I wish twitter was around when Hitler died, because I bet that shit was hilarious too.

I've fallen and I can totally get up but I'm going to lie here for a minute because it's embarrassing.

Thankfully @trutv ranks all of the dumb things people do for me; otherwise I wouldn't be laughing because I'd be too busy ranking stupidity.

D-O-N-E-! DONE!

#f1app Despite the 15 hour time difference, I'm watching the Australian Grand Prix live!

@nadadine My grandmother once had a dog she named Shithead. True story.

@nadadine Jenna sounds like a douche.

@nadadine DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT?

How is it we're not all ankle-deep in squirrel shit all the time?

Check out "At the Super Bowl, 4K might literally be a game-changer"  http://bit.ly/TquFp9  (via @pocket)

@discourt That's so much funnier without the comma that's supposed to be there.

This sound track is insane. #DNC2012

"That's what." - She

@dosesofneurosis Teenagers..

@robdelaney Something tells me I don't want to look up what an areola is.

@erica_rosie I usually just settle for a loud fart instead of following back.

@courtchristine Exactly

@jimboleem No. He's American and we don't call them mobiles. I like that joke though, no idea why I'm giving it a serious reply.

Just had a great idea for next year's #AGT . I'll hop up and down on one foot while @elipsonknight14 competes in a spelling bee.

Where's Waldo: After the Apocalypse #depressingchildrensbooks