I JUST MET TOM HIDDLESTON!
Absolutely lovely guy, we quoted Loki back & forth!
#LokisArmy #Avengers @twhiddleston
http://t.co/kt6T41tG

"I'm not a very macho man, but I am full of rage." - Dana Gould

@biggsjason You commonly retweet insults,I always say nice things about you and never once have you retweeted me.You...you dickmouth...fuck.

@robdelaney Winner of 'Sexiest Prison Rapist 1981'

@manmademoon New visitor to isolated arctic town with close-knit community tries to fit in, copies popular kids; is rejected. #TheThing

@hollowcrownfans Whoo! And in celebration; when I met a king and a God -  http://yfrog.com/obgs2ovj 
#ShakespeareSunday

My 300th follower was Academy Award nominee @edwardjolmos

Beat that.

You can't.

You can't beat it.

#legend
#winning

Truly devastated to read about Neil Armstrong's passing. A genuine hero and legend.
The world has lost a giant today.

Godspeed, Neil.

@liambradley Did you hang around to see the cameo after the credits where Nick Fury asks Bella to join the Avengers?
#Twilight

Finally discovered my super power; if I concentrate really hard and stare at it for long enough I can turn ice into water.

@iwishedonastar The English have trained themselves to have low standards when it comes to sporting events.

This creep just masturbated at and tried to grab a female friend of mine - Brox-Hertford area PLEASE RT http://t.co/DgJhBc6M

Listen carefully children...can you hear that?

It's the sound of one thousand bin men being born.

#GCSEs

Socks are weird.
They're kinda like little hats, but for your feet. Feet hats.

The Standards just kicked the shit out of the Ghostbusters theme tune at @lipglossclub

@sirrruh
1) tooth chips.
2) replace with gold tooth.
3) refer to it as a "toof."
4) welfare.
5) $$$.
6) Diddy party

Met a dude last night who was so nice that I'm convinced he must have killed a whole bunch of people at some point.

I would never wish violence upon another human being though I do sincerely hope someone badly beats Chris Brown with a shovel.

Jaws 4 makes Jaws 3 look like Jaws 2 and Jaws 2 look like Jaws.

I once spent a magical weekend with a Las Vegas stripper called Diamond Jubilee. :(