@MrBigFists' (Jonathan) recently faved Tweets...
I'm trying to initiate a neighborhood watch program but the damn neighbors keep closing their blinds.
Since an erection is typically an indicator that you want to have sex with someone, why don't they call it a "bonar"?
My congestion has made me a mouth breather. I feel like I should be petting rabbits or regretting having asked one for lumps in my coffee.
I'm so in tune with my wife that I can sense when she's upset, when her hand hurts and when she gets tired of slapping me upside the head.
I know most people think their kids are adorable. But seriously. How can you look at that face and not think someone peed in your gene pool?
If my house were on fire and I could only take one thing? I'd probably take a new house with waterfront property.
My boys said that they don't like girls so I gave them a home sexuality test and, just as I thought, not 1 of them can draw a straight line.
Our department head asked if any designers had 3 inch experience. I kicked my size 11 feet up on the table prior to raising my hand.
I posted my joke about LIFE cereal on Facebook. Of my 5 friends named Mike, not one of them said they "liked this".
I don't know about ending a sentence with a preposition, @dysolution. But I know something about starting a sentence with a proposition.
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My wife says that I over analyze everything but I think that these graphs and charts clearly indicate otherwise.
My wife removed the "G" key from our keyboard at home so I could appreciate the frustration associated with not hitting the spot.
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