"I've some trouble with my hearing, Doc."
"Can you describe the symptoms?"
"Sure.. Marge has blue hair, and Homer is fat".

Sarah Palin decides not to run for President "after much prayer." Good job God

Just told my 12 year old to tidy his room. He says he inherited this mess from Labour.

I expect Tony Blair to be entirely frank at #leveson today. Anyways time to get my unicorn to work at the rainbow factory.

Q: how many pedants does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: are you including the supermarket's distribution network in that count?

Serious tweet: if anyone out there has Samaritans training could they have a look at @ ackneylad 's TL and maybe step in?

Maybe the NHS should tackle mediocrity by telling Jeremy Hunt to go fuck himself

The people of New Orleans must be watching the East Coast and thinking, "Wow - so this is what it's like when someone gives a shit."

UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE SELECT COMMITTEE AREA

Really looking forward to seeing what Danny Boyle does with Thatcher’s funeral

Here’s a thought: if you don’t want to run the risk of people ‘offending’ the mourners, don’t parade her corpse through the Capital

My get up and go has not only got up and gone but has sent me a postcard calling me a cunt

#thatcherfilms The Dead Poets' No Such Thing As Society

. @quintinforbes @rogerquimbly Tomorrow on the Wright Stuff - Myra Hindley - Hang her or Bang Her?

They can stop us blowing up airports. They can stop us talking about shaggers. But they cannot stop our essential kindness #alicebucketlist

At least if Blair is involved in the Olympics he'll finally get to see some fucking WMDs

The Cameron speech in full: Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses and I will crush them underfoot without a second thought

#londonliesfortourists If you are unsure of the time or need directions just flag down a London cab

I'm reading one of those paper Kindles

#welshfilmclub You've Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch t mail