MrErv

@MrErv

Erv

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Followers 1,575
Keeper of the nog, cats, and gardens. Taster of the cupcakes. All around smart-ass. How can I help you today?
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@MrErv’s (Erv) best tweets
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I'm not antisocial, I'm just really content not knowing you
cancelled Ebay auction for meteorite chunk I found in yard, turns out its just dried dog poop, sorry for the inconvenience
was gonna pull this lady over and make citizens arrest for driving too slow... unfortunately I left my bullet in my other shirt pocket
looking like a quick lunch today, jar of gravy and Pringles
#tweetup in my driveway in 20 min... bring shovels
#messagetomyex are you lonely out there buried in mah backyard?
$1.15 billion to build that stadium and it don't even have a Wal-Mart #Cowboys 
Just put on a housework thong, time to vacuum and dust
It's more than keeping nieces and nephews entertained on the holiday, make sure they get fed and watered in their pet carriers #Thanksgiving
#Vick has some broken ribs? bummer... #not
Stepped outside thought I saw the northern lights, was just the neighbors making meth
Todays workout: chair-frig-chair-toilet-frig-toilet-chair-mailbox-chair-frig-chair-frig-toilet-toilet-toilet-chair-frig-bed
BREAKING: Rescued miner realizing Bristol Palin still hasn't been kicked off "Dancing With the Stars" requests to be sent back into the hole
I've not heard Rush this happy since...well since he was doing oxycodone
Hope this cake on the kitchen counter is for me cuz im eatin the bitch
Neighbor just offered me banana bread which of course I refused. I'm well aware of that get-drugged-have-your-spleen-cutout scam
just put on a pretend-like-I-care face
I didn't shovel the driveway, I backed the car in/out 120 times