MrErv

@MrErv

Erv

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Following 1,633
Followers 1,575
Keeper of the nog, cats, and gardens. Taster of the cupcakes. All around smart-ass. How can I help you today?
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@MrErv’s (Erv) best tweets
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MrErv
I'm not antisocial, I'm just really content not knowing you
@MrErv
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MrErv
cancelled Ebay auction for meteorite chunk I found in yard, turns out its just dried dog poop, sorry for the inconvenience
@MrErv
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MrErv
was gonna pull this lady over and make citizens arrest for driving too slow... unfortunately I left my bullet in my other shirt pocket
@MrErv
MrErv
looking like a quick lunch today, jar of gravy and Pringles
@MrErv
MrErv
#tweetup in my driveway in 20 min... bring shovels
@MrErv
MrErv
#messagetomyex are you lonely out there buried in mah backyard?
@MrErv
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MrErv
$1.15 billion to build that stadium and it don't even have a Wal-Mart #Cowboys 
@MrErv
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MrErv
Just put on a housework thong, time to vacuum and dust
@MrErv
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MrErv
It's more than keeping nieces and nephews entertained on the holiday, make sure they get fed and watered in their pet carriers #Thanksgiving
@MrErv
MrErv
#Vick has some broken ribs? bummer... #not
@MrErv
MrErv
Stepped outside thought I saw the northern lights, was just the neighbors making meth
@MrErv
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MrErv
Todays workout: chair-frig-chair-toilet-frig-toilet-chair-mailbox-chair-frig-chair-frig-toilet-toilet-toilet-chair-frig-bed
@MrErv
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MrErv
Good news #dogkiller #Vick limping
@MrErv
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MrErv
BREAKING: Rescued miner realizing Bristol Palin still hasn't been kicked off "Dancing With the Stars" requests to be sent back into the hole
@MrErv
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MrErv
I've not heard Rush this happy since...well since he was doing oxycodone
@MrErv
MrErv
Hope this cake on the kitchen counter is for me cuz im eatin the bitch
@MrErv
MrErv
RT if yer at Wal-Mart in the toilet paper isle
@MrErv
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MrErv
Neighbor just offered me banana bread which of course I refused. I'm well aware of that get-drugged-have-your-spleen-cutout scam
@MrErv
MrErv
just put on a pretend-like-I-care face
@MrErv
MrErv
I didn't shovel the driveway, I backed the car in/out 120 times
@MrErv