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Don't fuck your woman right: unfulfilled. Don't pay attention to her: unhappy. Let her join Twitter: you're fucked.
Told my wife I'll get her anything she wants. Her response was not what I was expecting. Women.
There is nothing sexier, more sensual and perfect than a woman who loves, wants you and never gives up on you.
Looking at the wife's tits is still a stealth operation. No matter how long I look, there's still a boner involved.
Learned today that you CAN piss off someone just enough that they go and spend your money.
Making a woman cry is absurd. We all do it, but if you're the ass who does it to my woman, watch the fuck out.
The power of a woman lies between her legs. Ladies, stop giving it up so easy. You own a man with that power. It's your superpower.
Being 'manly' includes beating your chest, pissing to mark your territory and going out to shovel snow.
They say the average size of a man's penis is 5 inches. My wife looked at a ruler and laughed. Shit...what did that mean?
Drunk as shit. Fucking right on.
Wife bought me a Gibson guitar for Xmas. Think she's hinting that I need to write songs for her again like I used to.
Boobs are amazing. Just stare at them long enough and you're bound to get a boner.
When I do daddy duty at night sometimes, I swear I don't understand the battle to brush the teeth. I almost lost a finger.
Never underestimate the power of a woman. They are miraculous.
When I fuck up, I fuck up hard. I fucked up pretty hard.
Drama is part of life so I say embrace it and fuck it senseless.
Got wasted last night. I say a repeat is in order for tonight.
I might be the world's biggest asshole at times, but some are worse. I'll fuck you up if you don't watch it.