I lose respect for guys who tweet cake shit only to raise their stock with girls. Quit bullshittin, you're just like the rest of us savages.

I think about sex on average about 32 hours a day

You could turn a man's entire day around by surprising him with one of those pics just chillin in your camera roll #DontBeRude #SendANude

nobody really scratches their balls,. it's more of a pinch & tug

What am I going to be for Halloween? Drunk, probably.

LMAO at Jon Bones Jones getting arrested for a DUI this morning. RT if you hate that arrogant cunt, too.

Being polite & civil with people no matter what you may think of them isn't being fake, it's being an adult.

The few. The proud. The childless.

You think that old gay dude on Family Guy will ever get to fuck Chris?

"If my nudes aren't safe with you, then you don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe

*puts phone on vibrate* *places phone under balls* *waits for retweet notification*

Best way to prevent a bad breakup is to avoid relationships.

my response when girls ask what a blowjob feels like? feels like you're getting your dick sucked.

So close... Somebody RT this shit so I can get some followers/fans. RT @ashleytsunshine: @mrmaclin At 500 followers I'll lick your balls!

saw a guy at planet fitness wearing toe-shoes, but there was a sign that said "judgement free zone" so guess I can't work out there anymore.

"if you can't send him nudes when he's at his worst, you don't deserve him at his best. bitch." - marilyn monroe

.@redlobster I ordered shrimp nachos yesterday and didn't get my food until 10 minutes after the rest of my group. Was it because I'm black?

Worst thing about how I like my sex is that girls bruise too easily.

One man's trash is another man's girlfriend.

i hate how i have to start every fast food drive thru order with "no thank you"