@quaristice @mrhig I've just passed a group of Mayans smiling to themselves, looking knowingly at their watches. And bulk buying baked beans

I can't find any professional baby-deliverers anywhere...I'm having a midwife crisis.

I had to buy a new monitor. I'm now seeing all your tweets in W I D E S C R E E N. They're still a bit lacklustre, if I'm honest, but wider.

I have just dropped a cup of tea. As it fell, time slowed and Barber's Adagio for Strings played in my head. I'm fine now, thanks for asking

As Katie Price loses yet another partner, the horrific realisation that I am moving inexorably up the line of succession has paralysed me.

Evenin'....first day #wrongtwitter blog. http://tinyurl.com/37e5rpp Today's theme is Admin. It gets nasty from tomorrow.

I tactically voted today. My tactic was to vote for the person I wanted to win.

Imagine my philosophical disappoinment when I realised "Question Time" had no intention in reappraising the notion of temporal measurement.

I see Bryan Ferry got an Iron Cross in the Honours List. Very stylish.

I am obsessed with US politics, particularly the presentation of the Presidency...this, I love http://www.flickr.com/photos/whitehouse/

I am a latecomer to Mr Tim Minchin, and it is this what won me over. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhGuXCuDb1U Absolute sodding genius.

Fernando Torres will be kicking himself that he didn't score in the first half. He'll probably miss.

Career (v) - to veer wildly from job to job.

I've just wet myself laughing at this: RT @simonblackwell (RT @thepoke) Dustin Hoffman on Stovies. http://t.co/xNkKEEa

@thebubblegunman Cammell Laird Social Club...I can sing along with The Light at the end of the tunnel at the top of my voice!

Apparently I'm going to inherit the Earth...I'm too scared to ask when.

SPACE FACTS: NASA spent billions developing a pen to write in zero G, the Soviets just used the bloodied, severed fingers of dissidents

Women. You are brilliant. All of you. I hope you have all had somebody appreciate you today, but if not, I do. Happy St. Valentine's Day xx

@quaristice I went through this instead: http://suicidemachine.org/# Try it if the FB delete doesn't work...and congrats man! #hatefb

My first ever Audioboo: http://audioboo.fm/boos/251040-the-windy-pickpockets I wrote it for kids...well, duh. #gingerbreadpoetsociety