Bruce Wayne: single guy, lives in his parents' basement, collects toys, and has a great computer. YET NO ONE MOCKS HIM. (thanks @markwaid)

@agent_m my 6yo saw Avengers w/3 friends for his bday. At the end they were all standing, shooting repulsor blasts & arrows at the screen

If Obama wins, does the Redskins loss get overturned?

@craigcalcaterra Authorities in the Dominican Republic learned that Julio Lugo's name was actually Julio Lugo, causing Indians to back off.

Found this redub of the Delta safety video last night. If you've ever flown Delta, you'll appreciate this:  http://youtu.be/NEzy76pjKFI 

Today, the US celebrates an Italian discovering the Dominican Republic, which he thought was India, while working for Spain. U-S-A! U-S-A!

BREAKING: Casey Anthony seen leaving courtroom in white Ford Bronco.

So to be clear, the Tigers lost their starting DH, went out and signed Prince Fielder, and now all they need is... a DH? #misconfused

Every time I see Bud Selig, I think that's what Stephen Hawking would look like without ALS.

If you use AlTeRnAtInG cApS I'll think you're an annoying teenager. If I find out you're an adult, I'll assume you're a serial killer.

My 4-year-old had a nightmare about zombies eating his brain last night. I put him back to bed, kissed him, then licked the side of his head

And yes, I used "Bobby Eaton" and not "Hulk Hogan" because as @cmorris4774 will tell you, Beautiful Bobby could drop a leg like no one else.

Conrad Bain is dead. The Diff'rent Strokes Curse claims another, as Charlotte Rae slowly and methodically has her sweet, sweet revenge.

Watching this game so long I'm just drinking Miller 64 with chunks of avocado in it now.

I "donated" my stash of halloween candy to the office bowl yesterday. Went to grab a piece today - gone. Seriously, people.

USA has the talent, but Japan used the Konami cheat code. #WWC

@commnman I SPEAK FROM THE FUTURE. 2013 IS VERY DARK. THE SUN IS MISSING. SEND HELP PLEASE RT

I don't know this song - was this off of "Bleach"? #121212concert #McCartnirvana

@hangingsliders if you love it and wanted to keep it for an affordable rate you shouldn't have put a ring on it. #BeyonceFreeAgencySongs

God I'm old. RT @mental_floss: Disney is reportedly planning a Boy Meets World sequel series featuring Cory and Topanga's daughter.