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Twitter is like having your own talk show except you don't get paid and your studio is the bathroom.
Do you ever wake up and not recognize your life anymore?
How do people get these 50 star tweets? My best was two and one half.
I will be giving hugs between 1:20 and 1:22 in the lobby.
I need coffee in a very deep and meaningful way.
I want to be kidnapped by a group obsessive dieticians and personal trainers.
Eating celery which is negative calories so I am eating cake next.
I just want to say am not a perfect person my tweets are often not funny My insights often lacking But dog gone it I am here if you need me
My Spider sense is tingling...nope false alarm foot went to sleep.
Nothing looks better on a woman than intelligence, a sense of humor, an extensive vocabulary and cleavage.
I realize it is Spank A Bum Day in Britain but Spank A Bum Day takes on a whole new meaning in the States I don't want to abuse the homeless
Somebody retweet me, this is a test
Why are there bullies on Twitter?
If it makes you happy it can't be that bad.
My tweets would be funnier if you heard me reading aloud.
Believe me it is not easy being the smart ass. Historically our kind were often beaten or even killed for a quick retort. Hug a SA today.
If you have ever been severely depressed you know it is just waiting for another opportunity, a moment of weakness. Be strong.
I am more than comedy and chiseled good looks
I don't want Sunday to end.
Happy Valentines Day to all my baby mamas.
I still provide random insight to strangers because I can and I am here because I care. I also give sincere compliments. http://favstar.fm/users/Mr_Landshark
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