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Do you ever wake up and not recognize your life anymore?
I need coffee in a very deep and meaningful way.
How do people get these 50 star tweets? My best was two and one half.
I will be giving hugs between 1:20 and 1:22 in the lobby.
Nothing looks better on a woman than intelligence, a sense of humor, an extensive vocabulary and cleavage.
I want to be kidnapped by a group obsessive dieticians and personal trainers.
Eating celery which is negative calories so I am eating cake next.
My Spider sense is tingling...nope false alarm foot went to sleep.
I just want to say am not a perfect person my tweets are often not funny My insights often lacking But dog gone it I am here if you need me
I realize it is Spank A Bum Day in Britain but Spank A Bum Day takes on a whole new meaning in the States I don't want to abuse the homeless
If it makes you happy it can't be that bad.
Somebody retweet me, this is a test
My tweets would be funnier if you heard me reading aloud.
Why are there bullies on Twitter?
They found water on Mars which means we can make coffee when we get there.
Believe me it is not easy being the smart ass. Historically our kind were often beaten or even killed for a quick retort. Hug a SA today.
If you have ever been severely depressed you know it is just waiting for another opportunity, a moment of weakness. Be strong.
I am more than comedy and chiseled good looks
Twitter is like a small town. A very unproductive smutty small town
Provide random insight to strangers, thug whisper. I also give sincere compliments. free validation http://favstar.fm/users/Mr_Landshark #fitfam
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