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  • Mr__Grape
      Mr. Grape @Mr__Grape

    Kriss Kross is gonna make you... your burger and fries now, so please pull up to the drive-thru.

    • 195
    • FAVS
    NotawhinertnylgnJohnLyonTweetsHerNameIsMudsharky54301MVernacatolaEl_Caznocturnedreamer
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    EurydamasTioughnioga______sunnyjo81El_CazBetty_Lou_BrookeBabbling____ween231979yerpalmildsauce
    thevillageid10t
  • Mr__Grape
      Mr. Grape @Mr__Grape

    I'm working on this new game called "Hungry Hungry Hipsters" where you just cut up their dad's credit card.

    • 166
    • FAVS
    NotawhinerAmeiamJohnLyonTweetsHerNameIsMudMytwoscentzBabetteJonesprimawesomeearfdae
    • 31
    • RETWEETS
    hannahcolleen33Nerd_Boner________BoifromipanemaDallyDollthefitzzRickstersaysa_moriendi________selenereyesd
    MoistPorkdiarrhea
  • Mr__Grape
      Mr. Grape @Mr__Grape

    "We all have that weird uncle who does inappropriate things from time to time..." -My uncle making a case for why he just licked my teeth.

    • 90
    • FAVS
    JohnLyonTweetsHerNameIsMudTheFool202primawesomeJebo_te_patak____Manda_like_wineduplicitronThe_Dorkster______
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    blakely_rogersCrackedIllusionTheWonderClam____DallyDollDoom_Jedipink_specs____Favstar500Favsfavstar_pop
    Lea_Stephanie____
  • Mr__Grape
      Mr. Grape @Mr__Grape

    Nothing's deader than the eyes of a Burger King employee who can no longer bring themselves to correct people who order "McNuggets" anymore.

    • 75
    • FAVS
    LeighOtisjetfreshflowtween_sensationDez691slumflovverannielockyerjeansordenimCRlTICALHIT
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    GodzillaTimeJesticidemadotsukiDez691slotharmstrongCRlTICALHITMooki_Forever__ysengrim
    kisslikeaknife____
  • Mr__Grape
      Mr. Grape @Mr__Grape

    I love reuniting people, which is why i gave the kid next door a bottle of paint thinner, so he could down it and be with his grandpa again!

    • 69
    • FAVS
    HerNameIsMudmissingblakesJulieWahooMEGraybush________Manda_like_wineAnitaAlibiMsGreenGoddessThe_Dorkster______
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    HerNameIsMudAnitaAlibiThe_Dorkster______DallyDollFavstar500FavsTheWonderClam____diarrhea0hMyGuinness
  • Mr__Grape
      Mr. Grape @Mr__Grape

    It's easy to pretend your penis is the Kool-Aid Man the first time you go bursting through some girl's hymen! #OhYeah!

    • 76
    • FAVS
    HerNameIsMudNerd_Boner________The_Dorkster______creatinsparks____EricGoldieUrMothaNoRubber__serialmatrixMcJizzernutz
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    DallyDollFavstar500FavsLea_Stephanie____TheManimal18
  • Mr__Grape
      Mr. Grape @Mr__Grape

    I bet telling the cops you thought you were on a Japanese game show could get you out of some pretty bizarre crimes...

    • 59
    • FAVS
    HerNameIsMudprimawesomeNerd_Boner________aiken2beTannerTenorthe_moonfacerobomiyazakikingofalltweets
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    marthahowellsjvkeboxherokingofalltweetsThe_Dorkster______Favstar500Favsrufus_lipschitzJoe_HansenLea_Stephanie____
  • Mr__Grape
      Mr. Grape @Mr__Grape

    I know how to sneak a peek at a urinal if i want to compare penis size with people, but how can i be sure i have the nicest butthole!? :(

    • 64
    • FAVS
    HerNameIsMudTheFool202Nerd_Boner________DallyDollThe_Dorkster______creatinsparks____serialmatrixMcJizzernutz
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsMVasquez85________Lea_Stephanie____
  • Mr__Grape
      Mr. Grape @Mr__Grape

    A great way to earn women's respect probably begins with no longer calling them "finger puppets".

    • 58
    • FAVS
    HerNameIsMudTheFool202Nerd_Boner________Manda_like_wineThe_Dorkster______creatinsparks____McJizzernutzvertigospiral88
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    TheFool202Favstar500FavsLea_Stephanie____MascaRAEd
  • Mr__Grape
      Mr. Grape @Mr__Grape

    Vaginas: The t-shirt cannons of babies.

    • 44
    • FAVS
    JohnLyonTweetsHerNameIsMudDallyDollsplendidly_dullvonjaco__________ANDAM0NIUMKid_A____________nojiveturkey
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    MyViciousMindjjkeultjesnojiveturkeyaleneparrcreatinsparks____TheManimal18pi_alizesterlingdewvall
  • Mr__Grape
      Mr. Grape @Mr__Grape

    I stopped saying "I Love You" to my dad the moment i realized he was smarter than the girls i dated, and it wasn't going to lead to sex.

    • 48
    • FAVS
    HerNameIsMudugibombdonniNerd_Boner________diarrheacreatinsparks____vertigospiral88ThrobbbNHood______
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    Doom_JediPhxToNYCfavstar_popKirkMandis__Lea_Stephanie____Sirrruh
  • Mr__Grape
      Mr. Grape @Mr__Grape

    There's no greater feeling than releasing at the same time as your partner, which is why i always get off directly in front of the mirror!

    • 47
    • FAVS
    JohnLyonTweetsHerNameIsMudcreatinsparks____UrMothaNoRubber__serialmatrixThrobbbNHood______Mela_DeDoom_Jedi
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    DrThanatosTheManimal18Mac_Encheeze
  • Mr__Grape
      Mr. Grape @Mr__Grape

    I imagine Courtney Love has the power to suck people into her body through her vagina, whole, like a graphic, cracked out nesting doll.

    • 45
    • FAVS
    HerNameIsMudTheFool202Nerd_Boner________creatinsparks____ThrobbbNHood______Mela_DethejonjohnDumbassador
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_popambiensleepthejaguarrandJustice4_All
  • Mr__Grape
      Mr. Grape @Mr__Grape

    Sometimes i wish my penis was like one of those crazy arm-flailing inflatable tube men...

    • 42
    • FAVS
    JohnLyonTweetsHerNameIsMudDallyDollcreatinsparks____UrMothaNoRubber__serialmatrixMela_DeDoom_Jedi
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_popGeekingOff________MurseBrianRNnelmaskSortaBad
    dawn_chez
  • Mr__Grape
      Mr. Grape @Mr__Grape

    My dad never bought me a dog, but he did get loaded and go to the bathroom in various parts of the house a lot, so... close enough.

    • 45
    • FAVS
    JohnLyonTweetsHerNameIsMudNerd_Boner________DallyDollManda_like_winecreatinsparks____ThrobbbNHood______Mela_De
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    LydWarren08Lea_Stephanie____
  • Mr__Grape
      Mr. Grape @Mr__Grape

    In retrospect i'm starting to think my camp counselor knew he couldn't get my butt pregnant when we did all of those experiments...

    • 43
    • FAVS
    JohnLyonTweetsHerNameIsMudNerd_Boner________The_Dorkster______creatinsparks____ThrobbbNHood______Mela_Dethejonjohn
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    diarrhea
  • Mr__Grape
      Mr. Grape @Mr__Grape

    Oh sure, they find my semen in three stupid cats, and now i'm suddenly banned from the SPCA for life... get over yourselves, elitists!

    • 39
    • FAVS
    JohnLyonTweetsHerNameIsMudNerd_Boner________ThrobbbNHood______SirrruhDoom_Jedithejonjohnkatkegel__________
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    ErikSwineypossum_plagueLea_Stephanie____
  • Mr__Grape
      Mr. Grape @Mr__Grape

    Hey, can one of you please shake my butt as i watch myself & show you what i'm working with? I'm really bad at all this multitasking stuff!

    • 37
    • FAVS
    HerNameIsMudThrobbbNHood______Mela_Dethejonjohnkatkegel__________SeanINCypressDrThanatoskwb13
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    Lea_Stephanie____thelanguagenerdsenderblock23
  • Mr__Grape
      Mr. Grape @Mr__Grape

    Remember, it can never be racist if you say it while you're having sex with them!

    • 37
    • FAVS
    HerNameIsMudUrMothaNoRubber__ThrobbbNHood______Doom_Jedithejonjohnkatkegel__________SeanINCypressDrThanatos
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    rufus_lipschitzAQUAMAN_82Lea_Stephanie____
  • Mr__Grape
      Mr. Grape @Mr__Grape

    You're more likely to hear me say "I'd hit it!" in reference to a stranger's kids than you would their vagina.

    • 34
    • FAVS
    JohnLyonTweetsHerNameIsMudThrobbbNHood______Doom_JediChefBoredRTsFrankLongoiNusku____________Dumbassador
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    Dumbassadorfavstar_popbillyharner94ReluctantHpstrErikSwineyal3l3eYRoAD
@Mr__Grape

@Mr__Grape

One time a mailbox fell on me.