Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I do have a life outside of Twitter, but I can't remember the password.
Merry Christmas and a big thank you to all of our service men and women, and to our EMT's, Firefighters and Police Officers working today.
Arguing with your wife is like trying to blow out a light bulb
Claiming that someone else's marriage is against your religion is like being angry at someone for eating a donut because you're on a diet
If you fuck like you park, you'll never get it in~ Totally leaving this on a few windshields around here
Please remember, It may take a village to raise a child. But it only takes one condom to save them the hassle.
If life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic
You don’t have to like me. I’m not a facebook status.
I childproofed my house, but they still got in!
I hate it when people will steal your app instead of paying a damn dollar for it. Jackasses.
Quit saying HOOAH. You're a spouse. You don't hooah. You have a hooha.
If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
I hate to tell you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing at all.
They say we learn from our mistakes. That's why I'm deliberately making as many as possible. Soon I'll be a genius!!