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Gay divorces need to be legalized everywhere because I would watch the shit out of a gay divorce court.
No it's fine I don't need commas I don't take breaks or need to breathe.
In the Walking Dead how and when does the cop guy find time to clean, iron, and press his uniform during the zombie apocalypse?
If I just had that Willy Wonka whistle to signal midgets to come in and fix all my problems.
I tongue dialed you by accident because there was something tasty on my phone.
Woke up from a nap to find he'd cleaned the house. There aren't enough Blow Jobs in the world to give him to show him how much I love him.
If people are annoying you today then imagine they're a balloon animal and, You a sharp pin needle.....I've popped 3 people already.
Some of your booby avis scare me, like I'm going to get sucked into a never ending motorboat.
When I see people putting their heart and soul into singing to themselves in their car. I find a little faith in humanity.
Drinking alone isn't so bad if you're so drunk you don't even know your own name.
Don't come up to my desk and talk to me today unless you're a bottle of wine
Put up a Christmas tree in my bedroom because everything I asked Santa to bring me will be in there anyway.
Shamefully I go to FaceBook first hoping for a different result every fucking time. Then I come here and I find what I wanted.
I'm replacing myself for the rest of the holidays with a beligerant hand puppet.
There's nothing worse than to stub your toe really bad and not have someone there to swear at, and listen to you yell.
Would just rather not use Google or Wikipedia for anything and just ask you guys.
If you know me, you may want to tell me because, I'm not a mind reader, well except on Tuesday nights.
