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The AC in my car makes me cry. Also, the crippling loneliness.
My cute neighbor just smiled at me. I can feel the implantation cramps already!
What a night! Ate a whole cookie, changed my dating profile body type from "average" to "curvy," wept.
My friend is pregnant again but I started drinking before noon today so I think we're all pretty even.
"I wish I were never born"
- Cream Soda
"Party" is a funny word if you say it a lot. Party party party I've never been invited to a party party party
She shoots she SCORES (not sexually. I just got a crumpled up napkin into the waste basket).
Thought I was pregnant but turns out it was just a cavity.
I've been single for thirteen years, which equals 68 cat years (I looked it up, while petting one of my best friends in the whole world).
Bit into a Reese's Pieces, thought it was a Skittle. I'm so alone.
I really want a baby. Or frozen yogurt.
I wonder how much weight I'll gain on my honeymoon LOL LOL i'm so alone LOL LMFAO
"By the time they realize we're not chocolate chips, it'll be too late!" -Raisins
Cats are funny because they don't yell
Tried to google "Cat urine remover." Accidentally googled "Cat URN remover." Cried.
Dreamt that I drove off a cliff again so that must mean the love of my life is right around the corner!
Sticks & stones will break my bones which will probably make it harder for me to find a husband before the holidays (
You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't ask your prom date why he ditched you for that slut Colleen in 1998.
You say "tomato," I say "Please, Brad, don't press charges, I'll leave your garage if you promise to love me the way I've always loved you!"
191 days until my wedding! Let me know if you guys have anybody to set me up with!
I live in a hovel! And you live in a townhouse! I can't believe this girl!
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