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Was thinking of going on a low carb diet then remembered we're all gonna die!
Ever wish your hair were longer and your cheekbones higher and your boyfriend real-er? Me too! Right now!
I'm on a seafood diet: I see food, I eat it, I cry about my eternal loneliness, I'm up all night because my parents won't return my calls...
Get your boyfriend to propose by wearing a skin suit of his actual girlfriend.
I am a strong, confident, beautiful woman who is respected by many and loved by all... APRIL FOOLS!
The best defense is a good offense. Also, swords.
I'm getting so good at singing Cat Stevens to my cat while bawling my eyes out!
Kiss me, I'm desperate.
Thank God it's Friday, because how weird would that be if time just stopped, or went backwards.
How many weeks do you have to be seeing/stalking someone until you get engaged?
I told my boyfriend I've been planning our wedding for years. He told me "I've never seen you before in my life. Get off my bike."
Valentines Tip: Hold me.
My STD tests came back negative - YAY! I haven't had sex in thirty-eight months - BOO!
First date tonight. Can't wait to be MrsRupertPupkinRobinson!
Things would be different if I had a waterbed.
Show me on my body where the bad man touched you.
How much glitter are you supposed to wear on a hike?
Sometimes I'm afraid I'll kiss and kiss and kiss my cat's face right off! Still single.
My boyfriend's mad at me because I "made him up." :(
I live in a hovel! And you live in a townhouse! I can't believe this girl!