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My cats looks so cute in their santa hats I could die! Alone.
I feel pregnant in my heart.
I asked my boyfriend to shave his moustache and he asked me to stop calling him my boyfriend.
Another Black Friday, alone.
I started calling my boyfriend "Boo." He started calling me "I don't even know you. Get off my driveway before I call the cops."
Still have your ex's keys? Sneak in late at night, handcuff yourself to him, take an Ambien & whisper "I could fall asleep like this."
Can't smile 'cause I'm so numb from the dentist & decades of emotional celibacy.
When one door closes, another opens, & that's where you go to cry about all the missed opportunities behind door #1.
It's 92 degrees out and I've never been loved.
Burnt my Lean Pocket so now I have NOTHING
First rule of Fight Club: Hold me.
It's 69 degrees in my apartment HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA i'm so alone HAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHA HAHAHA
If somebody asks what turns you on, I think it's okay to say "Watching you eat a burrito while you drive."
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, we're in a relationship!
So many bruises. Need to take iron or stop hitting myself.
I'll never forget my very first job - Blockbuster Video, summer 2013.
If anybody rings my doorbell I'm calling 911
I'm gonna dress up like a sexy kitten & I'm gonna dress my cat up like a sexy me. Still single.
Cute! My boyfriend's Halloween costume is someone who's never agreed to be in a relationship with me!
My neighbor just winked at me. I'M NOT READY TO HAVE A BABY!
I live in a hovel! And you live in a townhouse! I can't believe this girl!