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I would definitely dump an ice bucket on my head for a good cause and also to hide the tears
My phone just autocorrected "kitty litter" to "nobody will love you until you love yourself, Lauren. Also, go easy on the froyo."
Sex is like tacos- all buttery, and toasted and... lemony? ... I've never had a "taco" :(
Cats are even better than kittens because there's more surface area to pet. Still single.
Neck hurts send money
I like to think that the dozens of guys who never called me back are all together in one room... kissing.
My boyfriend's so mean. First he said he hates cats, then he said "we're not dating, Lauren. Get off my scooter."
My ear hurts. If anybody knows any single doctors or architects please DM me!
Having one of those "I just wanna take off my bra and get married" moments.
Google history: "Can a cat choke on a hairball," "How to make him love me," "Creme brulee for one."
When somebody tells me "the cat's out of the bag," I always think: Thank God! Give him some wet food & let the snuggle fest begin!
Sure, most of my friends are on their second child, but I'm on my second dinner so I think we're pretty much even.
Kinda wish a dog would pull ME off MY tricycle so my cat could run in and save me.
First step to get your boyfriend to propose: Trick him into believing he's your boyfriend!
First date tonight. I can't believe our one year anniversary is only one year away!
I just enthusiastically waved at my cat from across the room. Still single.
If a tree falls in the forest but there's nobody here to smell how good my hair smells right now, am I going to die alone?
Was thinking of going on a low carb diet then remembered we're all gonna die!
Ever wish your hair were longer and your cheekbones higher and your boyfriend real-er? Me too! Right now!
I live in a hovel! And you live in a townhouse! I can't believe this girl!