TWITTER LATEST: Retweeting no longer possible.

Twitter is like a Charles Dickens novel - 140 characters, lots of silly names and it goes on forever.

This is #TheBigRetweet. Retweet this and change Twitter forever. Go to http://bit.ly/redtweetday & change a life. Forever. Please. Retweet x

Oh dear, things must be bad - Nigerians are receiving spam emails from Greek millionaires.

Not sure I like the #newtwitter - what do you think? http://t.co/SYZWYScy

In honour of Charlie Chaplin's 122nd birthday, this tweet is silent, black and white and not particularly funny.

Oh lovely. An Oasis tribute band. #closingceremony

I wonder if the Russian Grannies fit inside each other? #eurovision

I stick sequins on carrots and broccoli to make them more attractive to our kids. #Vegazzle

I see Titanic is finally in 3D. Hopefully now they'll see the iceberg.

A good husband is like a good wine - smooth, full-bodied and best kept in the cellar. #HowToHaveAnAlmostPerfectMarriage

Retweet this if your mother is the best mother in the world! (or at least in the top couple of million . . )

Isn't that nice? A special night for homosexual cutlery! #GayForksNight

LATEST: Capello insists he didn't resign as England manager - he tripped and fell into a lifeboat.

Today's a cause for joy and mirth, the day of Dr Seuss's birth! But what a shame he didn't tweet, Such neat, sweet tweets would be a treat!

I don't know about you, dears, but I really think we've got a chance of winning this Eurovision Song Contest . . #closingceremony

PLEASE RETWEET - URGENT West Mids Ambulance Service need 4x4 drivers to get nurses & drugs to patients. Call 01926 310 310

NEW: The Vatican 'Exceptional Circumstance' condoms available now in 3 flavours - Guilt, Shame and Strawberry.

Dear world - Despite what you may believe, the vast majority of Britain's young people are honest, caring and wonderful!

Russell Brand called his book My Booky Wook - I hope he doesn't open a bank.