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  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    Barbie didn't give me a poor body image; Barbie taught me you can't reattach a head once it's been removed from the body.

    • 1,396
    • FAVS
    scottsuperman24GirrlGeniusdougblackjrchang_kooShanehasabeardtoughluck67plusdmlstudentnumber
    • 834
    • RETWEETS
    GirrlGeniusdougblackjramandagil33PatriciaMulliskatiefergHarliCWellsjdawg0928ZeroToBeotch
    Fingers_of_Fury
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    Tip: talk to people who make you Google things.

    • 896
    • FAVS
    ThatCatBlackthelastsarahHouseofGlibShanehasabeard70CeeksjunkyardiganSacamanoBBryanTrone
    • 628
    • RETWEETS
    chang_kooWeltraumschafaahoogendoornSacamanoBjloeproBarryVonAwesomeWhere_Is_SylviaJuliesToast
    Prof_Peejay
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    Sorry I got confused & grabbed your fist bump like a doorknob.

    • 889
    • FAVS
    ShanehasabeardBigBang6000junkyardiganSacamanoBBarryVonAwesomeVice_QueenJustinGuariniSoundsLocke
    • 356
    • RETWEETS
    Rydog57SacamanoBBarryVonAwesomeeeneRnemoLMindless4MilesHanlonymousNautilusCarlyTomE83_
    brennadineCpin42findmydolls
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    Don't ever worry that you don't have a life. There are people who write hate mail to potato chip companies. You're probably doin' all right.

    • 766
    • FAVS
    chang_kooShanehasabeardmybrunetteheartCiJiShaeLADaddyShoutin_BibblesBarryVonAwesomeMarcan_Mather
    • 391
    • RETWEETS
    CiJiShaeLADaddyBarryVonAwesomeTomE83_TeargasLawiSteveKoehler22alexjtoroWendyKitchener
    markboywonder__CertifiablySanejd0ugh__
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    I have this nightmare where people are quoting Mel Brooks movies, but my mouth is too full of sandwich to join in.

    • 655
    • FAVS
    chang_kooShanehasabeardWheelTodLADaddycm_rutvikAngelaLovesNYBarryVonAwesomecorinnaisgreat
    • 285
    • RETWEETS
    LADaddyBarryVonAwesomeISOremarkablesmchonech_PBody__SuperRandomishBigPapaGouletpdog11234
    Thunderhunk3000markboywonder__david_tull
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    *scampers over to ice cream truck*

    Yes, I'll take the SpongeBob who looks like he just opened the Ark of the Covenant, please.

    • 563
    • FAVS
    princess_nopeoconographyHoneyWooWoocassadi11aAlliNJohnsonMusicalMan24jaymedyanGabbyGrimaldi
    • 253
    • RETWEETS
    Nineball54AlliNJohnsonRobynFort95jsn_born_idnttyninjadinosaur22PrincessSamwichRyanKeithFtech_beefcake
    markboywonder__
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    Guy cut me off & I shouted, "you are unable to pleasure your wife. OR HUSBAND." Cause he needs to know I'm angry, yet progressive.

    • 540
    • FAVS
    ShanehasabeardZeroFilterDarzjunkyardiganSacamanoBsplitpeaandhamBubblyBaileegrantgriesel666rachhperks
    • 217
    • RETWEETS
    SacamanoBmccomiskey_financechargeclowndrolizwaitkusAngelaLovesNYEliHansenMusicBaxterbix
    sleepynarrator
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    Jimmy Fallon always looks like he's waiting for you to open a gift he's convinced you'll absolutely love.

    • 509
    • FAVS
    WheelTodWalkThisJaiBarryVonAwesomeFavstar_followMqhatsohistory_bonerMsMinnieMooseTingyS
    • 219
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar_followbadassmanofgod_somebxdyReem3jmmarymethMark_ziadehWhykakaWhyRiiiimms
    SonofConway
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    I flip off your cat when you're out of the room.

    • 385
    • FAVS
    ShanehasabeardBarryVonAwesome6Shamrock8tiReynardJustJosephusUxorious11bsnc64msgwenl
    • 158
    • RETWEETS
    majikmike07Zombie_Kitv2tiReynardUxorious11bsnc64g1a2v3i4n5TheWillieCoxJrstephenjmolloy
    TheCatWhisprerdavidbryant1
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    Can anyone tell me why so many chicken nuggets are shaped like baby socks?

    • 362
    • FAVS
    Shanehasabeardmrskelseylaverymariadishappymurt_turtSuperNovaLRDNicole39077483bdreamangelbhollrx
    • 124
    • RETWEETS
    murt_turtNicole39077483bhollrxWheelTodgypsygyreLADaddyTeeJayRushScorpionDong
    markboywonder__5hael
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    Women want men they can fix; men want girls they can save; I want a sandwich that makes itself.

    • 242
    • FAVS
    WheelTodParrtyCatBarryVonAwesomestephenjmolloymadridladGlorifiedHigh_Strumpet_WendyKitchener
    • 102
    • RETWEETS
    BarryVonAwesomeballeronabidetshutupkerriganewfeez_Sibongile_SIts_CrystalLeealmightytoddBreadAndStew
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    "Whoa, a lady eating a banana. Sexy. I enjoy having segments of my dick bitten off & chewed, so this is a huge turn-on for me."

    • 259
    • FAVS
    SummerCollider70CeeksWheelTodl_wagstaffetsm560BarryVonAwesomedoktorbuzzoRumEsco
    • 67
    • RETWEETS
    seamussaidWheelTodtsm560ultratabsKellickadoktorbuzzoOrvllShrednbchrFavstar_NSFW
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    My bee allergy is very real; my fear that they will clobber me as a giant swarm fist is strictly cartoon-based.

    • 250
    • FAVS
    ShanehasabeardmariadishappyWheelTodBarryVonAwesomeSteveKoehler22SuperRandomishidlesatireJanePeaches
    • 76
    • RETWEETS
    WheelTodBarryVonAwesomeSteveKoehler22nevesytrofbornmiserableleonardthewizjohntrPFitzpa
    Home_HalfwayRocketRankoon
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    Which body type are you? Pear? Apple? *gets real close, like right in your face* I'm a potato.

    • 221
    • FAVS
    WHEREISWALTJNRHatfieldAnnecitizenrobotplathian9BUNCHofSTEVEShanehasabeardseamussaidWheelTod
    • 84
    • RETWEETS
    zaraleascottioseamussaidWheelTodTomE83_bornmiserableKendraC93Zombie_Kitv2m4r3n4
    FuzzyBoner
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    Sorry. Can't come in today. Shower felt too much like a hug.

    • 217
    • FAVS
    WheelTodBarryVonAwesomeScorpionDongmariokeypartywalruslifestyleSuperRandomishElizasoul80bornmiserable
    • 82
    • RETWEETS
    bornmiserableEmpyreatricsMuSuBi19rachelle_mandikmichiamoalimidnitesocliv_ec_atk_Amandation
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    So basically, all our pets have Stockholm syndrome, right?

    • 226
    • FAVS
    ShanehasabeardWheelTodBarryVonAwesomemariokeypartyitshotterherezaraleascottiofindmydollsplathian9
    • 67
    • RETWEETS
    Rydog57BarryVonAwesomeitshotterhereSteveKoehler22ohhowunorthodoxwalruslifestylebornmiserableMockingCher_20
    PartySlicing
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    I don't think I've ever had a panic attack... *looks up panic attack symptoms* OH. Ha Yeah. I've had, like, a hundred of those.

    • 222
    • FAVS
    ShanehasabeardWheelTodBarryVonAwesomeCackleClubymas_jemamandajpandaTomE83_stephenjmolloy
    • 64
    • RETWEETS
    bethkellayTomE83__Strumpet_bornmiserableMockingCher_20TheRealRHBSilverBadgersatiricalterror
    BookisherBunny
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    How much for the dehydrated umbilical cord, my good man?

    "That's black licorice..."

    Gross, never mind.

    • 198
    • FAVS
    fozz02MostlyMelanieThe_TakeIronballsMcGinTplathian9DaveHaase1zaraleascottioShanehasabeard
    • 70
    • RETWEETS
    The_TakeIronballsMcGinTzaraleascottioWICKEDTRUTH01WheelTodbornmiserableMathMuffinbricescott24
    markboywonder__Fingers_of_Fury
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    *has mood swing*: "I'm so bipolar!"

    *cleans kitchen*: "I've got OCD!"

    *trivializes mental disorders*: "Tee hee!"

    • 175
    • FAVS
    Anonysubchimneyspotterbikeymikey70bornmiserablerockyhorsJosh_the_weirdolitfirebirdsl_davis0815
    • 92
    • RETWEETS
    bornmiserablequentinturntinosl_davis0815BCBoltonTheOneAndOnlyRPTy_ShemarleyZombie_Kitv2Aellai_Jia
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    *takes photograph of beautiful old-growth forest*

    Trees: "Let me see it."

    • 184
    • FAVS
    leeharperoswaldShanehasabeardkingfirestormthingthingappseetimesthreeboonecomedytsm560OBSaxman
    • 82
    • RETWEETS
    tsm560a_real_benEmily_Wynn96StrawberryKiLeexokenzkess_timmartinwhyKiannaxCameronHiJCP
    TomE83_
@MrsTomServo

@MrsTomServo
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