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  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    Gift @MrsTomServo Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 3,250
    • LIKES
    roberttmcnicklefophboxderbyJuliio08ostan_samsonovnicoleintrovertbabyme71idont_KARA_J_Spess
    • 1,781
    • RETWEETS
    lizahazeneve_moriartycatherineelmsratdamagekayla_collins25FlexesWitWolvesjjengstromdenerkerner
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    Barbie didn't give me a poor body image; Barbie taught me you can't reattach a head once it's been removed from the body.

    • 2,196
    • LIKES
    ChandrashekarkyjorlilabodlyexterryminatorRyanTee82libbyfarricellioceanmist1224kfoagkfoag
    • 1,301
    • RETWEETS
    RyanTee82VickyNoNodruuuckdare_darouJennawhatnow_calcifer__recvlcitrvntPardonMeBurr
    KidBeatnixFingers_of_Fury
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    Jimmy Fallon always looks like he's waiting for you to open a gift he's convinced you'll absolutely love.

    • 1,553
    • LIKES
    kelbyshittlesonkwkorpifemmekhaleesiadaezelechiAishaDueberryjimbostambourincorrieann2nolegsnoprobs
    • 712
    • RETWEETS
    luvmyADHDkwkorpiKeytonKnightMzKikiireaganedgrenJordan6509cr0ws_eyeDracostian
    the_littletrampSufficientCharmSonofConway
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    Tip: talk to people who make you Google things.

    • 1,188
    • LIKES
    luvmyADHDF_ScottTaftCaRpenteR_SaRaLate_308__sheefaaaaanintasticSteffieBellTemoJessicaDivine_
    • 925
    • RETWEETS
    bigfishballerLizoFilmzFvckThatE_comGuruEmily_Blxsstherice777munya_eddietafyino
    imdaintyafProf_Peejay
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    Don't ever worry that you don't have a life. There are people who write hate mail to potato chip companies. You're probably doin' all right.

    • 982
    • LIKES
    SteveSuckingtonChristianPlantedoktormodthe_littletrampKidBeatnixChristiKraftVagabondTweetsAllyCap_One
    • 573
    • RETWEETS
    woodenhorsefor2KidBeatnixJeetKuneDuhchibiseiraKelseyDLblowpopsreviewsMissDahlELamajlizhill
    markboywonder__CertifiablySanejd0ugh__
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    Sorry I got confused & grabbed your fist bump like a doorknob.

    • 1,089
    • LIKES
    SteveSuckingtonJTM1LL3RChristianPlantedoktormodthe_littletrampcosminaut_BDora_Gobiscotties
    • 445
    • RETWEETS
    _AbbieOrr_sophielcjacksonV_eronica19TreyMojocammakidlysslysslyssJenaKonieczkadoktormod
    simonchollandbrennadineCpin42findmydolls
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    *scampers over to ice cream truck*

    Yes, I'll take the SpongeBob who looks like he just opened the Ark of the Covenant, please.

    • 932
    • LIKES
    jonhduncanJonahSaltzmanmweeedmanDrewHill4BloodThirstyRonkdiddyKurosaraKokuoubutterwolf
    • 403
    • RETWEETS
    dundlewoodludditeandroidKurosaraKokuouSkyeO01TrickleVaryTeaseamussaidhepkatvQuotebookGuy
    iamspacegirlmarkboywonder__
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    Guy cut me off & I shouted, "you are unable to pleasure your wife. OR HUSBAND." Cause he needs to know I'm angry, yet progressive.

    • 723
    • LIKES
    SteveSuckingtonChristianPlantedigitalpiscesJBShifmanDadandBuriedfuzzlimeabfellowsMakesYouGiggle
    • 304
    • RETWEETS
    katiedx3fuzzlimebsnc64atsinhamailsatanBrittleGrassjon_61pcyerpalmildsauce
    sleepynarrator
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    I have this nightmare where people are quoting Mel Brooks movies, but my mouth is too full of sandwich to join in.

    • 695
    • LIKES
    SteveSuckingtonChristianPlantethe_littletrampConnorLand2George_Cloney1sallymanda313stynmertenscaseytduncan
    • 297
    • RETWEETS
    caseytduncanABurgerADayPurlmaster69__inefvble__arrunielPinkyMcPink29rachelle_mandikhoedeehoe
    Thunderhunk3000__markboywonder__david_tull
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    "Whoa, a lady eating a banana. Sexy. I enjoy having segments of my dick bitten off & chewed, so this is a huge turn-on for me."

    • 667
    • LIKES
    MattBannishJeanieMacIsaac69TrapGod69maxxgadogfuzzlimestokotkiLanaRaeJarvisw_ethanc__
    • 258
    • RETWEETS
    udaysahadevanMarkWallBang69TrapGod69insecurekoalamaxxgadogMrMooGertstokotkiTheWhirla
    LeeMifsud
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    Well, honey, sometimes "leading a guy on" is just "being vaguely polite so he doesn't axe-murder us on the way to our car."

    • 530
    • LIKES
    SteveSuckingtonChristianPlantethe_littletrampisabelleanusyacwahlzShannonEvilGirlcaseytduncanwarmyellowlight
    • 277
    • RETWEETS
    srsly_yeeliShannonEvilGirlcaseytduncandiorsoulreid_arenalisa_ellen05TaraxJoneskassidy_lynnn
    dreamthievin
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    Can anyone tell me why so many chicken nuggets are shaped like baby socks?

    • 470
    • LIKES
    MardigroanSteveSuckingtonChristianPlantethe_littletrampKidBeatnixRealRedRossGuidedByVodkamailsatan
    • 165
    • RETWEETS
    Mardigroanthe_littletrampKidBeatnixcrustywenchBrittleGrassyerpalmildsaucehalimanaticallisonic
    markboywonder__5hael
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    I flip off your cat when you're out of the room.

    • 414
    • LIKES
    ChristianPlantethe_littletrampmuskybarnacleyup_thats_wordsclowndro__elliegartenjon_61pcsierra_lyle
    • 167
    • RETWEETS
    BrittleGrassyerpalmildsauceAllisonWendyAnt_F3ltzpoetcrycaseytduncanZora_d_1991CailiJaycee
    TheCatWhisprerdavidbryant1
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    My bee allergy is very real; my fear that they will clobber me as a giant swarm fist is strictly cartoon-based.

    • 381
    • LIKES
    ChristianPlantemuskybarnaclebeevolantdtlerchrtfeldmangufawwasapmannellacosminaut
    • 128
    • RETWEETS
    rtfeldmanbsnc64erickshea1cassiefabulousplentyofalcovesclowndro__DarthSkoochieemptyflash
    Home_HalfwayRocketRankoon
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    *has mood swing*: "I'm so bipolar!"

    *cleans kitchen*: "I've got OCD!"

    *trivializes mental disorders*: "Tee hee!"

    • 298
    • LIKES
    ChristianPlantelamapaulultimategeo45caseytduncanEdgarAllanLoehudkins1_MeghanDaviskajong0007
    • 155
    • RETWEETS
    caseytduncanwerm69GavinGallagher4krunchiebuttsShesARealGeniuscwahlzthestarbanditSoMakeItHail
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    "Kiss me," she said. "With urgency. As if I were an overflowing pint of Guinness."

    • 296
    • LIKES
    druuuckCoraMunroBoatOrvllShrednbchrCornOnTheGoblinMinusCDPlusgianni_bcnnthonyswanMarkoESQ
    • 143
    • RETWEETS
    CoraMunroBoatgianni_bcnnthonyswanLoneWolfStories__alessya137Acwoods79AdamJSDConsultingAndreaC242
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    How much for the dehydrated umbilical cord, my good man?

    "That's black licorice..."

    Gross, never mind.

    • 286
    • LIKES
    ChristianPlanteKevinKadoupie_and_dryMShaf0411AHundredElbowsGordonTheTopHatUpscaleHoboWildeThingy
    • 107
    • RETWEETS
    KevinKadouJjkinky49Jeffpie_and_dryUpscaleHobocosminautLebowskidootroyjones689ultimategeo45
    markboywonder__Fingers_of_Fury
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    Women want men they can fix; men want girls they can save; I want a sandwich that makes itself.

    • 279
    • LIKES
    ShoobridgethenoahkinseyDorkusRegislisasopinionsLoveNLunchmeatkrismuscookieMmeluluChristianPlante
    • 112
    • RETWEETS
    DorkusRegislisasopinionskrismuscookiefunTweetersditriechBrittleGrassyerpalmildsaucecaseytduncan
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    "Honey, you didn't make typewriter noises eating corn on the cob at dinner. Everything OK?"

    *pouts, flops facedown on bed* BOYS SUCK, MOM.

    • 274
    • LIKES
    ChristianPlantekc_shawultimategeo45caseytduncanSpiderWristTheDairylandDonEdgarAllanLoBnReichenberger
    • 60
    • RETWEETS
    leah5_samanthacaseytduncanShesARealGeniusFuckabillyRexMardigroanmynightsideZombie_Kitv2Favstar250
  • MrsTomServo
      Abby Normal @MrsTomServo

    Which body type are you? Pear? Apple? *gets real close, like right in your face* I'm a potato.

    • 243
    • LIKES
    MardigroanChristianPlantejilladelphiayourcenourJakeM_80jessicaykrannamcsnailliving_marble
    • 89
    • RETWEETS
    Mardigroansmartybootsliving_marblecaseytduncankathyshererohheyitszaraseamussaidWheelTod
    ItsMePonyBoy
@MrsTomServo

@MrsTomServo

A violent & sexually deranged being from the fourth dimension.

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