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I'm going to stop lying to myself about making lifestyle changes...No one likes a skinny-friendly-sober bitch anyway.
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
* Most women usually have only 2 problems:
1. Nothing to wear.
2. No place to put all the clothes.
It only takes a second to show someone how you feel about them. The Police call it indecent exposure, but whatever...
Stop acting like God's gift to women. The Gift was the orgasm. You're just the messenger boy.
When there is no enemy within. The enemies outside can't hurt you.
It's a powerful thing when someone sees you as the person you wish you were.
I will always love you...even if I have to always love you from no closer than 300 feet.
Convincing the mind is one thing, convincing the heart, quite another.
Days like these, call for an addiction.
Has to lose weight. Eats box of chocolate covered cookies.
My 4yr old broke it of with his "girlfriend" because she ate his sweets & chocolates. I completely understand his reasoning.
And in the silence I suddenly understood the many ways a person can die but still be alive.
Life likes to screw us by having people who are full of Bullshit, sound much more convincing than those who aren't.
My husband is buying me shots..he's still figuring out the balance between horny drunk and Jersey Shore drunk..
I want to sing, I want to shout, I want to scream until all the words dry out.
I joined a dance exercise class today. If flailing about looking like you're having an epileptic fit is good...then it went excellent.
Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with: “according to the prophecy ”
Even the soft hearted have a limit.
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