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If you have to say: He's a nice person once you get to know him.You might just as well have said: He's a dickhead but you'll get used to it
I'm going to stop lying to myself about making lifestyle changes...No one likes a skinny-friendly-sober bitch anyway.
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
* Most women usually have only 2 problems:
1. Nothing to wear.
2. No place to put all the clothes.
Stop acting like God's gift to women. The Gift was the orgasm. You're just the messenger boy.
It only takes a second to show someone how you feel about them. The Police call it indecent exposure, but whatever...
Convincing the mind is one thing, convincing the heart, quite another.
It's a powerful thing when someone sees you as the person you wish you were.
I will always love you...even if I have to always love you from no closer than 300 feet.
When there is no enemy within. The enemies outside can't hurt you.
Days like these, call for an addiction.
Has to lose weight. Eats box of chocolate covered cookies.
My husband is buying me shots..he's still figuring out the balance between horny drunk and Jersey Shore drunk..
I joined a dance exercise class today. If flailing about looking like you're having an epileptic fit is good...then it went excellent.
My 4yr old broke it of with his "girlfriend" because she ate his sweets & chocolates. I completely understand his reasoning.
And in the silence I suddenly understood the many ways a person can die but still be alive.
Life likes to screw us by having people who are full of Bullshit, sound much more convincing than those who aren't.
Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with: “according to the prophecy ”
I want to sing, I want to shout, I want to scream until all the words dry out.
I was watching Homeland, and the CIA agent entered the "George Bush Center For Intelligence" talk about an oxymoron.