I will never say no to whiskey.

Need to masturbate before my morning coffee. That's how you correctly start Sunday.

These days a star fuck is the only kind of fucking I ever get.

My ovaries are screaming at me to feed them some seed.

A glass of bourbon and the Internet. I'll be getting into some trouble tonight.

Wine buries the sorrow and reveals the true emotion beneath.

You know you're old when you find your first gray pube.

Warning telling me "turn your frown upside down" causes a murderous rage.

I'm putting the 'Ho' in this ho-hum day.

When I'm hungry I crave meat.

"And all the roads we have to walk are winding..." Wonderwall is one of the best fucking songs ever written. End of story.

You dance like a white boy. You probably have no moves in the sack either.

My pussy is feeling naughty tonight. I'm having a hard time controlling her.

Draw Something = preschool sketches of dicks

If your boobies sag like withered eggplant it might be a good idea to wear a bra with your tank top. #dontneedtoseethatshit

My vibrator bitched me out for being neglectful.

The reality never lives up to the fantasy.

When the heart finally accepts what the head already knows it can be a devastating and harsh reality.

My day got a little better after a super hot guy told me he loved my outfit. To bad he was gay. Still, I enjoyed the compliment.

@comebackhead @damejennifer @jpluskay @pin3appl3flvrd @xomissyox @therayray2011 @cali4niasponge @joseejojojo thanks, fucker. ;)