On twitter we divulge sexual escapades, make light of our alcoholism, joke about abusing our kids, but we freak out if we make a typo.

BACK IN REMISSION!!! Just got off the phone with the dr. Drinks on me tonight!

just got free pizza because im AWESOME. well, i might have flashed a bit of boob, but no nipple. i'm a LADY.

I wish my husband had an Australian accent so i could pretend he was Russell crowe.

i wish my husband was Russell Crowe.

slept in my contacts last night. again. every time i blink i hear the sound of sandpaper rubbing against concrete.

this "marriage" thing is getting in the way of this "sleeping around" thing

so i took that 50 bucks i found.
bought booze, porn, and some scratch offs.

WON 350 BUCKS!

how awesome is THAT

the woman was amused with my nicknames for my children.

"Pita? Where did you get that name from?"

"Pain In The Ass"
(smile)

i'm not sarcastic, i'm hilarious.

i'm not a bitch, i just don't like you.

just spent hours and hours cleaning up my Facebook photos so that I can accept my mom's friend request. Facebook, you are dead to me. Dead!

its a special feeling when you realize that youve been running around the gym with a nip slip... me+flu meds = free show

nothing like waking up divinely exhausted and sore in all the right spots.

Triplets decided they want to ninjas for Halloween.

Super. Now how am I supposed to tell them apart.

ok, grocery list. beer, beer, beer, chips, dip, stop at subway on the way home.

I AM A DOMESTIC GODDESS! kiss it!

husband declared no more vampire books for me

after last nights love session.

apparently a coworker commented on a visible bite mark.

don't say "the top is down"

its ALWAYS "the titties are out"

i love convertibles (smile)

3yo just made a fart joke.

I'm so proud.

i'm dying a slow death. mosquitoes are draining my blood 0.25 an oz at a time.

I figure you can bite one person without it becoming your "thing"

did some grocery shopping.

brownies, cookies, ice cream, soda, scarey movies...

take THAT responsible parents