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@MsVitch's (valarie bright) most faved Tweets...
MsVitch
BACK IN REMISSION!!! Just got off the phone with the dr. Drinks on me tonight!
@MsVitch
MsVitch
I wish my husband had an Australian accent so i could pretend he was Russell crowe.

i wish my husband was Russell Crowe.
@MsVitch
MsVitch
slept in my contacts last night. again. every time i blink i hear the sound of sandpaper rubbing against concrete.
@MsVitch
MsVitch
just got free pizza because im AWESOME. well, i might have flashed a bit of boob, but no nipple. i'm a LADY.
@MsVitch
MsVitch
so i took that 50 bucks i found.
bought booze, porn, and some scratch offs.

WON 350 BUCKS!

how awesome is THAT
@MsVitch
MsVitch
the woman was amused with my nicknames for my children.

"Pita? Where did you get that name from?"

"Pain In The Ass"
(smile)
@MsVitch
MsVitch
i'm not sarcastic, i'm hilarious.

i'm not a bitch, i just don't like you.
@MsVitch
MsVitch
its a special feeling when you realize that youve been running around the gym with a nip slip... me+flu meds = free show
@MsVitch
MsVitch
i'm dying a slow death. mosquitoes are draining my blood 0.25 an oz at a time.
@MsVitch
MsVitch
did some grocery shopping.

brownies, cookies, ice cream, soda, scarey movies...

take THAT responsible parents
@MsVitch
MsVitch
don't say "the top is down"

its ALWAYS "the titties are out"

i love convertibles (smile)
@MsVitch
MsVitch
just spent hours and hours cleaning up my Facebook photos so that I can accept my mom's friend request. Facebook, you are dead to me. Dead!
@MsVitch
MsVitch
Just realized me and snow white both have 7 dwarfs. Ok ok so mine are kids... And my "prince charming" let himself go.

Same difference.
@MsVitch
MsVitch
3yo just made a fart joke.

I'm so proud.
@MsVitch
MsVitch
Triplets decided they want to ninjas for Halloween.

Super. Now how am I supposed to tell them apart.
@MsVitch
MsVitch
i seem to be stuck in a rut.

i need a rut-getter-outter

and some vodka
@MsVitch
16
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MsVitch
husband declared no more vampire books for me

after last nights love session.

apparently a coworker commented on a visible bite mark.
@MsVitch
16
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MsVitch
my peers are buying their children cutesy halloween outfits. i guess i'm the only one with demon vampire babies. go figure.
@MsVitch
16
penblethbumpcrudFriedWordsnhmagpiesnackajaweaTrick_or_tweetDavedebruyneDoanDoDatsneepeiamnotdiddyjascollinssha_sugaFreakdadtammyphinneyEsseErreBlondHousewife
MsVitch
heels? more like hell.

maybe i should lay off mid week partying. or just stick to flats.

flats win. vodka wins. i win.

win win win
@MsVitch
15
bumpcrudskulllysnackajaweaiamnotdiddylolamirabellainnerbitchMrBigFistssha_sugaFreakdadchipmcmannredtothetonesneepebedheadblondeBlondHousewifeDavedebruyne
MsVitch
So is dave letterman going to apologize for wearing white socks? And avoiding the dentist.
@MsVitch
15
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