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  • Ms_MelissaT
      Melissa T @Ms_MelissaT

    I want to be a hand model just so I can say that I'm here to audition for the hand job.

    • 340
    • FAVS
    MakesYouGiggleOchy_ZacharyElistaMalhouEriKaLMcLalanagreeneMkjkfitzgeraldChauntellexoStaynergirl
    • 152
    • RETWEETS
    Ochy_ZacharyElistaMalhouMkjkfitzgeraldHammerAkaStaynergirllife_suckerclownholeVeronica_Coop
    VividJamer
  • Ms_MelissaT
      Melissa T @Ms_MelissaT

    Sitting here thinking that I don't need a $ tree, maybe just a $ bush. Then I remembered I'm a girl & pretty much have 1 of those already.

    • 225
    • FAVS
    life_suckerclownholeHeMightBeJasonA_SmartAssjonslowKarenLyneButlertania110usmcdixinormus10
    • 85
    • RETWEETS
    clownholeUrbanHighlanderCrzySeed______CrippledUnicornBberrySurpriseGinger_Reverendlycamacho1970kevnasto
    My_Ego_Altered
  • Ms_MelissaT
      Melissa T @Ms_MelissaT

    Anyone who says "cray cray" instead of "crazy" is going to have to pry pry this crowbar out of their head head when I get done with them.

    • 163
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerlife_suckerJtweetersSassyChantellegangtokayemilymaejSinDancingVixenclownhole
    • 80
    • RETWEETS
    SassyChantelleSinDancingVixenclownholeGinger_ReverendRegTheLlamalySaBug93christianstrlngCyber__Bully
    urbusta
  • Ms_MelissaT
      Melissa T @Ms_MelissaT

    Just saw a smart car hit a curb. Pretty sure the car is totaled now.

    • 151
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerlife_suckerA_SmartAssTraceyGVemilymaejMonicann86clownholeHeMightBeJason
    • 44
    • RETWEETS
    clownholeGinger_Reverendchristianstrlngkevnastotoaddums__________ScreaminZemanYaQalbi__CalSchoonover
    shahrouzt
  • Ms_MelissaT
      Melissa T @Ms_MelissaT

    Kids are life's way of giving you 18+ years to think about what you've done.

    • 128
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerclownholeHeMightBeJasonjonslowGinger_Reverendtissytassy13______RegTheLlamaAntiSemanticShw
    • 45
    • RETWEETS
    clownholejonslowGinger_ReverendRegTheLlamaRE11310DreamyIdealist3dshack8VirginTalent
    VirtualOatmeal
  • Ms_MelissaT
      Melissa T @Ms_MelissaT

    Started making lists to organize those I follow on here but stopped because I'm of German descent & it seemed wrong to divide you into lists

    • 122
    • FAVS
    life_suckerTraceyGVclownholeHeMightBeJasonjonslowGinger_ReverendThe_DorksterRegTheLlama
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    clownholeGinger_ReverendPsychographEdfavstar1000favsSuparbad__________mutuallyobvious__JustMugTuna_Lover
  • Ms_MelissaT
      Melissa T @Ms_MelissaT

    My tampons kept going missing. I later found them in twos with the strings tied together. My kid was trying to make nun chucks.

    • 113
    • FAVS
    life_suckerclownholeHeMightBeJasonGinger_ReverendSummerLove1228Spartan_Killer___sharky54301LaffingGUY
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    clownholeThe_Dorksterfavstar1000favsScreaminZemanKidsTheZeDaysTuna_LoverDamn_JehuLuckyLea13
  • Ms_MelissaT
      Melissa T @Ms_MelissaT

    Guys, stop using the "I am not a machine" excuse because you can easily be replaced by one.

    • 98
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerlife_suckerA_SmartAssclownholeHeMightBeJasonjonslowGinger_ReverendAntiSemanticShw
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    clownholeMasterOfFurytoaddums__________ScreaminZemanurekasgoldcgrady357Mayalicious_Mnsturden
  • Ms_MelissaT
      Melissa T @Ms_MelissaT

    Made the mistake of tying a cherry stem with my tongue at the bar. Now I'm trying to find the emergency release on the inside of this trunk.

    • 90
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerlife_suckerclownholeHeMightBeJasonA_SmartAssGinger_ReverendRegTheLlamaAntiSemanticShw
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    A_SmartAssclownholeSmokedFringe______SchellTopsKidsTheZeDaysTuna_LoverMEGraybush________wavewasher
  • Ms_MelissaT
      Melissa T @Ms_MelissaT

    Guy in the car next to me is hardcore rocking out to "let's here it for the boy" I may have to follow him. You're all invited to our wedding

    • 77
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerclownholeHeMightBeJasonjonslowLazerPunchRoothyM_Ginger_Reverendjadekittie
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    clownholejonslowjadekittieganjaagoddessPakaloloFanAngry_HaitianmochanyaChiefTwittler
    LazerPunchGinger_Reverend
  • Ms_MelissaT
      Melissa T @Ms_MelissaT

    I don't mean to brag, but I get to second base with myself a lot.

    • 71
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerfly_away77LittleMissMag69clownholeHeMightBeJasonTheMichaelRockboom_goes_thetiffindrama
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    fly_away77karalovell28clownholetiffindramaGinger_ReverendMissMary_92Vanilla__Lace____FrankCurtisB
  • Ms_MelissaT
      Melissa T @Ms_MelissaT

    If you are a guy & I see you wearing a scarf strictly for fashion purposes I'm going to hit you in the face with a rock & jack your man card

    • 81
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerclownholeHeMightBeJasonjonslowBanginMy6string__MsDarkCrystal____Ginger_ReverendThe_Dorkster
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    clownholeMsDarkCrystal____Ginger_Reverendniceguy2bwth______kliftermonFavstar500FavsUnsatiatedVixenJoeNotSoKool______
  • Ms_MelissaT
      Melissa T @Ms_MelissaT

    My 7 yr old is holding a toy gun to his grandpas head, pulling the trigger, & calling him a zombie. I may be the best parent ever.

    • 83
    • FAVS
    ndiquoteLittleMissMag69clownholeHeMightBeJasonjonslowGinger_ReverendThe_DorksterRegTheLlama
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    LittleMissMag69clownholeHaveYouMetJoeyMasterOfFuryFavstar500FavsTopcat_007Tuna_LoverAlex_N_Chains
  • Ms_MelissaT
      Melissa T @Ms_MelissaT

    How come when a dog lays on its back spread eagle everybody is all"awww"& rubs their belly,but when I tried to do it I ended up pregnant?

    • 68
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerclownholeHeMightBeJasonGinger_ReverendThe_DorksterRegTheLlamaAntiSemanticShwPaulyMosh
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    clownholeGinger_ReverendlickatofuScreaminZemanFavstar500FavsSmokedFringe______niceguy2bwth______That_Mom__________
  • Ms_MelissaT
      Melissa T @Ms_MelissaT

    Sunshine on my shoulder makes me happy.....so does Prozac & penis, not on my shoulder though, well maybe. I'm always open to new things.

    • 65
    • FAVS
    A_SmartAssclownholeHeMightBeJasonGinger_ReverendRegTheLlamaAntiSemanticShwmeatlobesMasterOfFury
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    clownholeFavstar_NSFWrbrxtnkatycuntfaceComebackhead______MJKluvrlalenguafuertegoodballs
  • Ms_MelissaT
      Melissa T @Ms_MelissaT

    Is it wrong to sneak up behind a guy & cut off his pony tail? What are the chances of me being roundhouse kicked? Never mind. I'm going in!

    • 67
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerclownholeHeMightBeJasonGinger_ReverendThe_DorksterRegTheLlamaAntiSemanticShwMasterOfFury
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    clownholeGinger_Reverendsock_puppette____tweeterjakFavstar500Favswarhorse76izombieifortuitouslife
  • Ms_MelissaT
      Melissa T @Ms_MelissaT

    I just heard a girl say Ke$ha was the sound track of her life. Unrelated topic.... how do I get stupid bitch out of my car grill?

    • 61
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerSassyChantellekatyjwicksclownholeHeMightBeJasonMistressOfOzGinger_ReverendThe_Dorkster
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    SassyChantelleclownholeGinger_ReverendFavstar_NSFWniceguy2bwth______SpazmonicDamn_JehuLuckyLea13
  • Ms_MelissaT
      Melissa T @Ms_MelissaT

    I just pulled out another gray hair. I also pulled out my shotgun. These 2 things may or may not be related.

    • 60
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerclownholeHeMightBeJasonGinger_ReverendMasterOfFuryScreaminZemanMrToletonPsychographEd
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    clownholeFavstar500FavsStevemmamSpazmonicShimshammyLuckyLea13mutuallyobvious__clarephile
  • Ms_MelissaT
      Melissa T @Ms_MelissaT

    Oh sure I'd love de-caf coffee. Why don't you bring me non-alcoholic beer while you're at it. Insert me making hand wanking motion here:____

    • 53
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerHeMightBeJasonGinger_ReverendThe_DorksterJustMugMasterOfFuryScreaminZemanPsychographEd
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar_NSFWJustMugRhiannonNoelleStevemmamSpazmonicLuckyLea1327MelMcmutuallyobvious__
  • Ms_MelissaT
      Melissa T @Ms_MelissaT

    Found a pic of my dad in a wife beater & Tom Selleck's mustache. I no longer miss the 80s.

    • 55
    • FAVS
    clownholeHeMightBeJasonGinger_ReverendThe_DorksterMasterOfFuryHeyZeus666ScreaminZemanMrToleton
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    clownholeFavstar500Favsmutuallyobvious__NegroQuestionStevemmammadmaxrerisenAh_kee_oh________boouk93______
@Ms_MelissaT

@Ms_MelissaT

Full-time mom & a full-time pain in the ass. I'm a lover & a fighter, because anything worth doing is worth doing all the way. I put the BS in BSN.