Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
"Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." - Me to my children.
Remember kids.. If a stranger offers you drugs, say "thank you" because drugs are expensive.
Don't fall in love. Fall off a bridge, it hurts less.
Fuck you twitter! FUCK YOU.. just kiddin baby I'm sorry I yelled
"Right" - Fred.
I'm skinny because I eat my feelings.
I want sex for breakfast
I only say "it happens to the best of us" because once it happened to me.
People on Facebook will never understand... Here on Twitter, we welcome you and your problems with open arms.
I don't care if you think I'm racist, I just want you to think I'm thin.
I follow every person who is retweeted and makes me laugh. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO! So don't let a retweet die in vain.
Hi. I'm Native American and I will scalp you if I catch you littering.. and then I will burn your village to the ground.
Do all these dildos make me look single?
Everytime you tweet about boring shit an infant get its faced kicked in.
"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn!?" - My toast.
You think I wanna have kids?? Absolutely not. That's why I stick to anal sex.
"Pics or it didn't happen!" - God, to Jesus after his torture.
I just found a stale chip in my bed and ate it.. this is a dark hour for me
WHY DOES EVERYTHING I SMOTHER DIE?!?
Sext: Where'd you put the fucking remote you cock sucker
Mons†er. City Slicker. Hooker Killer. Sweet Talker. Alley Ooper. Gun Shooter. Gin Drinker. Guitar Player. Green Smoker. Bank Robber. Toilet Tweetin' Boss Bitch.