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  • Ms_Shazam
      Red™ @Ms_Shazam

    "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." - Me to my children.

    • 303
    • FAVS
    sheeshyeahrybobjones01GrumpyOldFart77LoganNotLogin4everMotherBridgetMamacitaTooSkool4Cool420hipchickinsd
    • 169
    • RETWEETS
    rybobjones01GrumpyOldFart77dominachsBridgetMamacitasusanbrandon96420hipchickinsdPopSlapFunkTHK1965
    prttylttleditty
  • Ms_Shazam
      Red™ @Ms_Shazam

    Remember kids.. If a stranger offers you drugs, say "thank you" because drugs are expensive.

    • 239
    • FAVS
    TweetComediansAmeliasJointsheeshyeahrybobjones01IdesofSeptemberJeffreyHayden63EnlightndSkitleDan_Fizzle
    • 116
    • RETWEETS
    AmeliasJointrybobjones01cstevens203Eviboy80sStephieG20Kassan6raamandamcewan4geoghegan68
    GroperCleveland
  • Ms_Shazam
      Red™ @Ms_Shazam

    Don't fall in love. Fall off a bridge, it hurts less.

    • 246
    • FAVS
    NancyPuddingrybobjones01LoganNotLogin4everMotherella__fraserEmaSlemaSam_Alan33SmartassChef
    • 84
    • RETWEETS
    rybobjones01winetastergirl____TheRealAnchovylittlemisspsunbleu_jean_babyPopSlapFunkpatientfailureDuffyDoesDallas
    CaptainObtuse
  • Ms_Shazam
      Red™ @Ms_Shazam

    Fuck you twitter! FUCK YOU.. just kiddin baby I'm sorry I yelled

    • 229
    • FAVS
    sheeshyeahrybobjones01LoganNotLoginBridgetMamacitaMythicPicnicEmaSlemaSam_Alan33TheRealAnchovy
    • 79
    • RETWEETS
    rybobjones01TheRealAnchovyrmfnordAntisocialinNYJayEzzyoakhillbargrillZack_Simon83SlackArab
    EFFFFFFYOU________
  • Ms_Shazam
      Red™ @Ms_Shazam

    "Right" - Fred.

    • 153
    • FAVS
    LoganNotLoginBridgetMamacitarmfnordDanKCharnleyActionJensCorey814ToxicButTastytezoatlipoca
    • 57
    • RETWEETS
    rmfnordCorey814TarzanFeathersmissekaykirstenufergeeksthenewcoolefmetzBeatnikRambler
  • Ms_Shazam
      Red™ @Ms_Shazam

    I'm skinny because I eat my feelings.

    • 150
    • FAVS
    LoganNotLoginBridgetMamacitaSam_Alan33CourtCostTheRealAnchovyDanKCharnleyCorey814ToxicButTasty
    • 50
    • RETWEETS
    TheRealAnchovyKissMyCrazyCorey814Zack_Simon83LeSmushetteSpudvetchoakhillbargrillSlackArab
    ItalianMongoy
  • Ms_Shazam
      Red™ @Ms_Shazam

    I want sex for breakfast

    • 114
    • FAVS
    rybobjones01LoganNotLoginSam_Alan33TheRealAnchovyDanKCharnleyCorey814jess_strattonSteevUmc
    • 41
    • RETWEETS
    rybobjones01Sam_Alan33oakhillbargrillSteevUmcheatherlarson77__WM_2004TheDylanBloom__DJGREMONE
  • Ms_Shazam
      Red™ @Ms_Shazam

    I only say "it happens to the best of us" because once it happened to me.

    • 114
    • FAVS
    LoganNotLoginVijay_Joshi1981GosiaWorldnotstateMythicPicnicMkjkfitzgeraldTheRealAnchovyrmfnord
    • 38
    • RETWEETS
    GosiaWorldMythicPicnicMkjkfitzgeraldReeseButCallMeVTheRealAnchovyPopSlapFunkCorey814heatherlarson77__
    hidingfrommeMpeccablyDshvld__
  • Ms_Shazam
      Red™ @Ms_Shazam

    People on Facebook will never understand... Here on Twitter, we welcome you and your problems with open arms.

    • 107
    • FAVS
    rybobjones01LoganNotLoginTheRealAnchovyDanKCharnleySultani_SailsdrinkbeerdammitWM_20041InTheStinker
    • 41
    • RETWEETS
    rybobjones01PopSlapFunkdrinkbeerdammitfavstar1000favsZack_Simon8324k_mexhottottie25kay_mccray
  • Ms_Shazam
      Red™ @Ms_Shazam

    I don't care if you think I'm racist, I just want you to think I'm thin.

    • 97
    • FAVS
    4everMotherDaGr8WhiteDopevanessabryson87EmaSlemaTheRealAnchovyDanKCharnleyCorey814jess_stratton
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    ReeseButCallMeVTheRealAnchovyCorey814Zack_Simon83Bearslietoo______SlackArabfuqtardedrepublicOFcruz
  • Ms_Shazam
      Red™ @Ms_Shazam

    I follow every person who is retweeted and makes me laugh. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO! So don't let a retweet die in vain.

    • 83
    • FAVS
    rybobjones01LoganNotLoginBridgetMamacitaDanKCharnleyheapsOhateTheRealAnchovyCorey814ToxicButTasty
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    rybobjones01drinkbeerdammitZack_Simon83patrossdavisCodysmtmama______deuceplatypus____Bearslietoo______MPSean
  • Ms_Shazam
      Red™ @Ms_Shazam

    Hi. I'm Native American and I will scalp you if I catch you littering.. and then I will burn your village to the ground.

    • 84
    • FAVS
    LoganNotLogin4everMotherBridgetMamacitaDanKCharnleyTheRealAnchovyCorey814ToxicButTastydrinkbeerdammit
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    Corey814Zack_Simon83ShittyComedianelitabanditalee_jess_ljazzymartellFavstar500Favsrach_ren
  • Ms_Shazam
      Red™ @Ms_Shazam

    Do all these dildos make me look single?

    • 86
    • FAVS
    GrumpyOldFart77LoganNotLoginBridgetMamacitaEmaSlemaDanKCharnleyTheRealAnchovyPIMP_SUSCorey814
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    GrumpyOldFart77littlemisspsunCorey814Zack_Simon83melrivelkaty_baybayAndRyanTF________Favstar_NSFW
  • Ms_Shazam
      Red™ @Ms_Shazam

    Everytime you tweet about boring shit an infant get its faced kicked in.

    • 83
    • FAVS
    LoganNotLoginDanKCharnleyTheRealAnchovyjess_strattonSteevUmcdrinkbeerdammitWM_2004adil_khan86______
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    alyssaxmariex3Corey814ShittyComedianMoku_Mike________sue_hey_laFavstar500Favsmattmanicladyjazsjunk
  • Ms_Shazam
      Red™ @Ms_Shazam

    "Just gonna stand there and watch me burn!?" - My toast.

    • 82
    • FAVS
    LoganNotLogin4everMotherBridgetMamacitaDanKCharnleyNolaChef504heapsOhateTheRealAnchovyPopSlapFunk
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    4everMotherheapsOhatePopSlapFunkITalkToHorsesadil_khan86______ShittyComedianHurly_BurlyFavstar500Favs
  • Ms_Shazam
      Red™ @Ms_Shazam

    You think I wanna have kids?? Absolutely not. That's why I stick to anal sex.

    • 78
    • FAVS
    rybobjones01DanKCharnleyKimmi_McTittiesTheRealAnchovyCorey814jess_strattonToxicButTastySteevUmc
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    Wambugu_PTheRealAnchovyWM_2004Favstar_NSFWMi_SSbehavedShittyComedianthedayofthedotDougDiggler54
  • Ms_Shazam
      Red™ @Ms_Shazam

    "Pics or it didn't happen!" - God, to Jesus after his torture.

    • 61
    • FAVS
    LoganNotLoginDanKCharnleyCorey814SteevUmcdrinkbeerdammitWM_2004adil_khan86______Zack_Simon83
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    adil_khan86______Zack_Simon83Favstar500FavsSomeWeirdGuy69ShittyComedianjohngayseeMi_SSbehavedFeliciovs
    fromthechi________
  • Ms_Shazam
      Red™ @Ms_Shazam

    I just found a stale chip in my bed and ate it.. this is a dark hour for me

    • 57
    • FAVS
    LoganNotLoginDanKCharnleyTheRealAnchovyKWQuacksPopSlapFunkToxicButTastyjessicaa1017Zdiddy19
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    TheRealAnchovyHolyDarwinPopSlapFunkCorey814Favstar500FavsdrinkbeerdammitZack_Simon83Feliciovs
  • Ms_Shazam
      Red™ @Ms_Shazam

    WHY DOES EVERYTHING I SMOTHER DIE?!?

    • 44
    • FAVS
    4everMotherBridgetMamacitaMrNickNoMal0n_janileeasyohmylolbeckiTongueMyFartboxmyfailingbeauty
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    kayleighpugetgibbetmojo_bones_BevTheBeverageprickly_af________claire_mudieCool_JesseJennifergr8
    mojo_bones_
  • Ms_Shazam
      Red™ @Ms_Shazam

    Sext: Where'd you put the fucking remote you cock sucker

    • 48
    • FAVS
    TheRealAnchovydrinkbeerdammitWM_2004Zack_Simon83Bearslietoo______SlackArabFeliciovsmonstabrat________
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    Zack_Simon83Bearslietoo______Zombie_dave24____ShittyComedianSlayerSays________Aglaea_LacieT____________bobsaysdrink
@Ms_Shazam

@Ms_Shazam

Mons†er. City Slicker. Hooker Killer. Sweet Talker. Alley Ooper. Gun Shooter. Gin Drinker. Guitar Player. Green Smoker. Bank Robber. Toilet Tweetin' Boss Bitch.