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There's a big difference when a boy and a girl says "I went through a box of tissue watching a movie"
Got a new stick of deodorant. Instructions said "Remove cap and push up bottom" can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely!
Is it considered sexual assault if a midget walks up to you and says your hair smells nice.
I heard on the police scanner there's some drunk on a lawnmower wearing only snow shoes and singing freebird-where the fuck are you going?!?
the more you act like an asshole, the more I think I want you.
I filled out an application today. One of the questions was to give an example of team work I put down "gang bang." What is that not right?
is pretty tired of these kids running lemonade stands acting like they've never even heard of vodka before!!!
Youtube should start showing good porn while I wait for my videos to load, I don't give a shit about your dog food PURINA!
twitter has once again taken it upon itself to unfollow some of my favorite people. Thanks twitter, maybe you should have a friend named Tom
Every time I bite into a York peppermint patty, I get the sensation to pay a hobo to choke me out, until I cum and black out.
so I have proven that muscle relaxers are causing me to misspell words, that's my fun fact for the day!
just put on some tea, and I had the urge to teabag my face with the teabags...... I really need a man.
I'm sitting next to this BIG girl and she smells like baby powder and fried spam.... but beyond this I notice she doesn't have a neck!
Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you go to the bathroom. My parents taught me not to piss on my hands in the first place.
#GourmazingGiveaway :) Arby's is sweeeeeeet!
I am not what your mother warned you about, I'm what your dads mom warned him about.....
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! that is all.
I was flicking the bean. Whats your excuse?
what personality should I wear today? the careless bitch or the bitch that doesn't care and also likes to shout and throw things.