Couple in the car next to me kissing.
I wanna kiss. Kissing is my favorite. I'm a very good kisser. Now I'm sad. Fuck that couple.

A boy just asked me how to get over his cheating girlfriend. I said you heal a heart with another heart.
Or burn the bitch's house down.

Past the age of 21, they aren't " daddy issues" anymore. They're YOUR issues. Own that shit and get over it.

Nice guys, I promise in the end, the bad boys wind up bitter and playing cover songs at the local bar, while you get the girls that matter.

New studies state having sex on a regular basis makes you look ten years younger!
Guess I'll be scheduling that facelift today.

If you're all fucked up, don't worry I won't try and change you, I'll probably even love you.. Because I'm dysfunctional. :)

When you climb on top of me, kiss me hard, then take your knee and use it to roughly spread my legs wide open.. THAT. Uh huh.

Every time I see a military man in uniform
I thank him for his service and then offer mine.;)

My gay boyfriend taught me how to blow you like that.

I wanna lover that isn't afraid to leave bite marks on my inner thighs.

Instead of flipping stupid drivers off, I stick a huge dildo out of my sunroof and wave it around wildly.

Ran into my gyno at Starbucks..As many times as this man has seen my vagina you'd think he'd offer to buy me a drink!
Nope. Bastard.

Two orgasms in less than 10 seconds. Me. Last night. By myself. Your move stud.

Never try and kiss me in the morning until I've brushed my teeth, but I will let you stick it in.

Hey! Where is everyone? I had a slight "ahem" episode that left me a bit worried, but its all good. Miss me? Now to get my followers back.

Holy shit! I forgot to masturbate.*

* Says no one on Twitter..ever.

I suppose being a squirter might come in handy when you need to water your houseplants..

I love watching girl on girl porn. It's hot as hell, but I use it as an educational tool for when I totally give up the cock and go lesbian.

I'm not atheist, nor am I Christian.
This leaves me somewhere in that wonderful place called "imagination"where anything is possible.

Dear white folks: Stop with the wanna-be dreadlocks, you nasty fucks.