May be more convincing of the tough guy image you're so desperately trying to portray if you leave your fru-fru dog at home.

It's drizzling now and supposed to pour for the next two days. We should totally start ripping up the roof today! ~ my idiot neighbors

You just said "illusions of grandeur" and... Nope. It'll never go away.

No problem @hstweetheart. Keep it... Put it in your Cup!

I'm the red-headed stepchild of the twitter accounts I am similar to. Obviously.

Much like George Thorogood... I prefer to be by myself.

@gtfml I got through pledge night without punching a bitch, got the stupid pin and returned it with a few parting words the next morning.

Got talked into pledging for a sorority once... on a Friday night... and told them to go fuck themselves on Saturday morning.

Four packs of cigarettes left, then I'm quitting.

Again.

So we have *that* to look forward to...

When I was a kid, you could play hockey or play with kabangers. Same difference.

Show me one fucking person who split the brick of Ramen Noodles into 2 servings.

If my tits were hanging out in my Avi I'd probably have more followers too. Meh.

I drank coffee, cried over a YouTube video, watched a movie and ate sushi. That's more than enough excitement for one day.

Having children makes you dumber.

I'll be exhibit A: I had a 4.0 GPA in Grad school.
Don't have exhibit B: because I have children.

Put on hand lotion and got stuck in my bedroom again... It's like I'm a genius or something...

Inability to Resume Play after a cigarette break is FIOS' way of telling me to my ass off the couch.

I'm way too cranky to be this goddamn chipper.

When you hit send and your tweet disappears... that's God or some shit... Maybe it's better left to myself.

Choices are a lot easier to make than un-make. Choose wisely kiddies.

I have kids and pets and life and stuff... Not much time for twitter. In and out... Love you!