Don't hate me because I'm beautiful... There are so many better reasons.

My porch light brings all the bugs to the yard.

If two wrongs don't make a right.. Try three.

Save your breath.. You may need it later to blow up your plastic girlfriend.

I may only be one tiny voice in a billion... But I won't let you take it from me.

The worst debt to owe, and not pay, is an apology.

Instead of the angel/devil.. I have "Oh fuck!" on one shoulder and "Fuck it!" on the other.

Why just play with fire? Jump in and feel the burn, baby!

I don't get the whole girly spider fear.. If it's smaller than your shoe... Fucking kill it.

You guys and your follower to following ratio numbers.. Here's a number for you.. My number one middle finger.

I don't have imaginary friends.. I have tiny little pictures that type notes to me.. Wait.. What?

I will always be a rebel.. I don't need a cause.

You can take your split personality and well.. You know... Split.

That awkward moment you didn't realize was awkward until someone tweeted about it being awkward.

Don't treat her like a princess then blame her for acting like one.

I suspect some of you read your own tweets more than your timeline.

I just killed a hornet with my bare hands... If anyone wants to play.

Twitter is like my mom.. Full of advice I never listen to and endless passive aggressive insults. Love ya mom*! *twitter

Inspirational tweets only inspire me to punch you in the face.

I am completely blank.. Too bad I'm not a signed check.