A that's what she said joke has never brought me closer to tears #theoffice

“@penguins: First period thoughts, #Pens fans?” There was too much blood but I was delighted to be a women finally

"man you're a real Bane in my back you know that?"
--a line of dialogue if I had written The Dark Knight Rises--

I get the most peculiar boner when a cute girl who I've only had one class with likes a status I post on Facebook

So I just found out @klout is total bull shit bc there is no way my @klout should be higher than @denniscalero #humblebrag?

Teen Mom is brought to you in part by Benny's Wire Hanger Abortion Clinic don't let your daughter be like the girls on this show "all abort"

I just googled chese & I got nothing RT:@saucyuno: there is bitch..just Google chese RT@robdelaney:There should be a Google just for cheese.

@kellyoxford thanks for tweeting about Grouplove last night these guys are fantastic

@danieltosh thats the hardest part? Come on the hardest part to believe is that its a girl kicking ass. Lets face it she should be cooking