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Jerry Seinfeld films the void with a trembling handheld camera. "Now THIS is a show about nothing," he whispers, tears running down his face
Baby got back! And sides, and front. And a head full of brains. And an immortal human soul, capable of traversing universes. You get SPRUNG.
You discover the tattoo on your bicep perfectly matches your soulmate's birthmark. Together they make a map. The map leads to Arby's. :(
Gold coins listing everything hilarious you've ever said on one side and what you were sad about that made you need to be funny on the other
Made in a facility that also processes egg wraith, shellbird, swamp nut. STORE IN DIRECT STARRY MOONLIGHT, KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHANGELINGS.
It's your first date. Wear a dress. Be bashful. Slide a stop watch across the table and eat your entree with no hands in under a minute.
You emerge from the shower. HAVE A GREAT DAY! is drawn in the steam of your mirror. Ghostly figure looms behind you doing a big thumbs up.
Bunk beds stacked in thousands, draped by an infinite quilt. A flashlight pierces the slumber party monolith. "Who do you like?" it rumbles.
Your vision blurs and the owls continue to lick you. Your death is worth the knowledge of how many licks it takes to reach the human soul.
Please keep door closed at all times. Please achieve formlessness to pass through door. Please transcend physics, and usher in a new Age.
Cat vampires live for 9 forevers. Curiosity can't kill them. There are zero ways to skin a cat vampire.
A scientist in a lab reducing you to an equation pauses to scratch his head and doublecheck the part about how many times you've seen Blade.
He buys you flowers. The butterflies in your stomach burst through your skin and suck them dry. You die of embarrassment and blood loss.
I want footage of you dancing and me being completely in love with you. I want a video of my face enraptured, that I can watch when I'm old.
I asked Jesus into my heart + he left the door open. My love got out. I was all, "HEY, born in a barn much?" "A MANGER" he yelled. "MANGER!"
A man does a fishing pole gesture to gather an army of mimes who must choose between bending to his evil will or breaking character.
It's time for us to admit that we want to go to space bc the vibe on Earth is starting to feel like when you've stayed too long at a party.
We high five because neither of us is afraid to die. The blast wave from our palms slapping makes a force field around us, and now we won't.
Scary spider on the ceiling? Name him Webby. Make up a backstory (loves The Eagles, is poolshark). Now he's your wacky neighbor! (who bites)
