@robdelaney ... And "following" someone on Twitter is as creepy as brushing your labia on someone's hand in line at the grocery store.

@nickspears You kind of look like Kiefer Sutherland and Danny Glover's love-child... you probably hear that all the time.

@robdelaney It's nice to see a dude stay hairy, despite the baby and dirty underwear you are laying by.

@robdelaney Fuck that! I know you'd rather have the mini snickers I'm hiding in my labia, right?! #MixedSignals

@nickspears Angela Landsbury

@danecook ha!

Apparently "motherfucking asshole bitch" is what I yell at people when I get road rage... Stayin classy.

@nickspears but with more HIV

I feel like my dog is always contemplating suicide. http://t.co/ZxxngtH4

@nickspears ha!!

@nickspears cheese trays!!

@nickspears I don't cause I'm so constipated.

Tight rolling your pants and fluorescent striped quicksilver shirts #90sproblems

I've been watching Dora all morning, Mexico seems so dangerous.

Ok, ambien taken with a cellphone in reach should be illegal.

@chrisdelia I was told to be nice to you, so fine, you're fucking funny.

@nickspears I heard the toilet seats there are made of STD.

@nickspears They carry soap now?!

Where do movie theaters hire from? Apparently mental institutions, and ONLY mental institutions.

@nickspears but HUGE balls.