Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on your way down.
I am out of vodka, so I ate a potato and threw myself down the stairs.
If I worked at a pizza place I would use pepperoni to spell out "Marry me?" on pizzas all the time, just to make things awkward for couples.
UNfollowing someone who just UNfollowed you is the new "Fuck me? Fuck you!"
This face seats five
I forgot to post on Facebook that I was at the gym. Now my whole workout was a waste of time.
NEW bumper stickers: "Florida, where you can kill your child and get away with it. Just don't lie to the cops, we take that part seriously."
If you eat it, she will cum
I will see your point and will raise you a fuck off and die.
My neighbor was fucked up and I changed all the contacts in his phone. Can't wait til he gets calls from Dirk Diggler, Ricky Bobby, & Obama
I wonder how old Jenna Jameson's twins will be when they realize they weren't the first two guys to be in her at the same time
Funniest descrip of someone on Twitter:
"I'm the Founding Father of the Reverse Dutch Oven, and a World Renowned Beanbag DryHumping Legend."
#ReplaceChrisBrownSongsWithGRAMMY how about we replace Chris Brown?
Casey Anthony dials 911 & dispatcher asks "what is problem?"
Casey "i fear for my life"
911: "hang tight someone will be there in 31 days"
IT'S FRIDAY.....FORECAST for this weekend: Alcohol, Low Standards and Poor Decisions.
#ThingsThatMakeThugsCry using correct grammar
#ThoughtsAtWalmart just get in and get out....just get in and get out....just get in and get out....
Falling asleep in meetings isn't good when it's just two of you
You know what I found in the closet? One hundred 1978 calendars.
Tell ya, if 1978 ever comes back, we're in great shape.
Who Dat Nation • http://pete3d.blogspot.com • LSU • L-I-V-I-N' • Unfiltered Mayor Of Simpleton