Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on your way down.
If I worked at a pizza place I would use pepperoni to spell out "Marry me?" on pizzas all the time, just to make things awkward for couples.
I am out of vodka, so I ate a potato and threw myself down the stairs.
This face seats five
UNfollowing someone who just UNfollowed you is the new "Fuck me? Fuck you!"
NEW bumper stickers: "Florida, where you can kill your child and get away with it. Just don't lie to the cops, we take that part seriously."
If you eat it, she will cum
I forgot to post on Facebook that I was at the gym. Now my whole workout was a waste of time.
I will see your point and will raise you a fuck off and die.
My neighbor was fucked up and I changed all the contacts in his phone. Can't wait til he gets calls from Dirk Diggler, Ricky Bobby, & Obama
Funniest descrip of someone on Twitter:
"I'm the Founding Father of the Reverse Dutch Oven, and a World Renowned Beanbag DryHumping Legend."
I wonder how old Jenna Jameson's twins will be when they realize they weren't the first two guys to be in her at the same time
#ReplaceChrisBrownSongsWithGRAMMY how about we replace Chris Brown?
Casey Anthony dials 911 & dispatcher asks "what is problem?"
Casey "i fear for my life"
911: "hang tight someone will be there in 31 days"
IT'S FRIDAY.....FORECAST for this weekend: Alcohol, Low Standards and Poor Decisions.
Falling asleep in meetings isn't good when it's just two of you
You know what I found in the closet? One hundred 1978 calendars.
Tell ya, if 1978 ever comes back, we're in great shape.
#ThoughtsAtWalmart just get in and get out....just get in and get out....just get in and get out....
Joe Pesci Says I Fuckin Curse Too Much • Former Van Halen Roadie • Yes It's Me • 4 Porn Stars & 1 Sex Kitten Follow Me • http://pete3d.blogspot.com