Just bought my first iBook. I feel like I'm cheating on the real book with it's younger, hotter friend. And hoping for a threesome.

“Every time you use the passive voice, a kitten is killed by God.” Thank you for that, @cleversimon.

My dating profile, Herpeslovestocook, isn't getting much play lately. I thought cooking was a turn-on for men. Weird.

In the South, many women won't leave the house without makeup on. Mom and I are impressed if we leave with pants on.

When one's home dinner choices are limited to Poppy Seed dressing or Worcestershire sauce, I do believe it's time to get a handler.

Warm coffee, cool breeze, leaves changing, and Nat Geo's "Inside Maximum Security Prison: Gangland." Sunday morning...

My coffee's taste description: "roasted notes of surprising roundness and lingering finish." Turns out, roundness tastes a lot like chicken.

NY tourists, there's no need to wear backpacks on your front. Seriously. Relax. We can get into those too.

Man blows a horn, little girl sits patiently. Summer in the city, at City Hall park. http://t.co/q9JtvY7u

I hope that someday my life and my daydreams can discuss viable options for a more parallel coexistence.

Vacation idea: If you enjoy saving money, solitude & reading, spend a glorious week on the toilet! Need more vacation ideas? Inquire within.

Fat Free Ranch tastes a lot like why.

I've tried, but I just can't get it up for the Olympics. Maybe if it dressed sluttier.

"Ladies invited": Inside Pete's Tavern, one of NY's oldest bars (1864). http://t.co/Hj4Sqx9f

Rainy (New) York. http://t.co/CXONs0FV

NY street market and it's cool surrounding. http://t.co/J6rESrMG

@thenardvark Recording my own non-voluntary heat discussions to play on a loop for faster bedtime. Can send a copy. Also, it's hot. Discuss.

@thenardvark Ask if it wants to mosey the light fantastic with me.

@thenardvark Me too! Oh, you mean on Twitter. Yeah, what I'm doing is probably called something else.

@jonaspolsky Spin-off: "Hey, That's Cool!"