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You know, Barbie has an awful lot of things for a girl whose knees don't bend...
Women are like roofing shingles. If you don't nail em hard, they'll end up next door.
My mom still tells me not to talk to strangers. I'm 32 mom, I don't talk to strangers, I sleep with them.
My dog was licking his nuts and my friend said "I wish I could do that" I said "you better pet him first, he's kind of mean"
How does someone get 20 yrs for dealing drugs, but the other got 4 yrs for molesting a child?!
Fuck you Justice System!
My ex hates my new boyfriend, but I mean, its not like he ever got along with his dad anyway.
When I grow up, I want to be that big ass statue that holds up the giant burger, cause that guy doesn't do shit.
I'm not a naughty catholic school girl.
But I play one at the strip club.
I want to slowly go down on you and tease you, then rise up and screw you hard.
Sincerely, Gas Prices
Grab me by surprise, kiss me like it's our first time, hold me up against the wall, tear my clothes off, make love to me already!
Strangers who talk to me on the elevator. I'll press a button, but that's as far as I'm willing to take our relationship.
Some women are busy making babies
Some are busy making milkshakes
Some are busy making sandcastles
I'm too busy making bombs
The only things that go down quicker than my wife are the first six beers.
Whoever says money doesn't buy happiness obviously hasn't hired a hit man
I've become what war has left - emptiness, cold, & nothing left
