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Happy Turkey Day! Today is they day Turkey gained its Indy Pendants.
Bring us a snobbery!
How do you get super glue off of your eyeball? Asking for a friend.
I could get some sleep if you guys would just shut up for 10 minutes.
Happy Cake Day!
What's everybody celebrating so suddenly? Is it Easter or something?
"We're not gonna fake it! No, we're not gonna fake it! We're not gonna fake it any more!" ~said no female truthfully ever
I hate racism almost as much as I hate crackers.
I am Jack's uncontrolled shrinkage.
Every guy who's come in to use the urinal while I've been on the pot has breathed really heavily. I guess my poop just smells that good.
Where's the take-back-everything-I've-ever-said-wrong button?
All of my sentences are female because they have periods.
So...I guess that's a no to using that bottle rocket as a dildo and letting me watch?
I got a garden tool, hired a hooker, and had her use it to till up the soil in my garden. I was then able to say I was having a ho hoe.
Nobody doesn't think Sara Lee's a MILF.
Dean Martin walked into a bar. And never came out.
I'm pretty naive.
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