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Happy Turkey Day! Today is they day Turkey gained its Indy Pendants.
Bring us a snobbery!
How do you get super glue off of your eyeball? Asking for a friend.
I could get some sleep if you guys would just shut up for 10 minutes.
Happy Cake Day!
What's everybody celebrating so suddenly? Is it Easter or something?
I hate racism almost as much as I hate crackers.
I am Jack's uncontrolled shrinkage.
Every guy who's come in to use the urinal while I've been on the pot has breathed really heavily. I guess my poop just smells that good.
Where's the take-back-everything-I've-ever-said-wrong button?
All of my sentences are female because they have periods.
So...I guess that's a no to using that bottle rocket as a dildo and letting me watch?
I got a garden tool, hired a hooker, and had her use it to till up the soil in my garden. I was then able to say I was having a ho hoe.
Nobody doesn't think Sara Lee's a MILF.
Dean Martin walked into a bar. And never came out.
Tigers make good house pets, don't they? I hope so.