Squirt 2, Clit 1. I'd say that's a mildly satisfactory evening! I could get used to this unemployment!

I don't think dryers eat socks. I'd run away too if someone used me as a jerk sock.

I removed batteries from my vibrator for my kid's dream light so feel free to nominate me for mother of the year!

#duringsexplease get rough! Fuck my face, smack my ass when you're pounding it & put your hands on my neck! Mmmmmmm

Am I alone in my love of licking & sucking taints and tonguing asses? Mmmmmmmm

I bought a new Subaru Outback today & suddenly feel the urge to let my Brazilian grow out.

I got a job today and suddenly I feel like I don't have anything in common w/ half of you.

Like most situations, Twitter is best read while naked.

Does anyone wanna lick my fingers clean or do I have to do EVERYTHING myself?

"Cum is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get." - Me, after a mouthful of funky spunk today.

Too many fried onions w/ dinner. I bet when I tongue my man's ass tonight it will improve my breath.

"Heaters gonna heat." - my 7yo baby girl this morning on why she radiates heat at night.

Best news about my MD appt? I lost 6 lbs! The worst? I can't afford my medication. Fucking drug companies can go fuck themselves.

No Shave November? Ish. I hope your men are happy w/ Chewbacca riding their cock. :-/

I don't get why guys on here question girls that love to fuck, suck cock or love anal. The hot bitches r here. Frigid cunts r on FB.

I'm in bed, naked and alone, @ 830 on Friday night. What's missing here?

Had to do a testicular exam today. Told the other nurse "I don't know how to assess unless they're in my mouth". :p

Bitch, u aint the mother of 28 kids. Keeping a kid for a week doesn't make u his mother. U were a extended stay motel at best.

Ran into my ex-husband's heel w/ my grocery cart. Whoopsy daisy! I was not surprised she failed to bleed.

#gourmetdoucheflavors Seafood Bisque