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Those who use the word "promiscuity" are just jealous
Twitter: where functional alcoholics, sexually frustrated loners, and morbidly curious stalkers all unite for an eternal party of debauchery
If you weren't such a prude you'd have more fun
The real walk of shame is when someone you know sees you leaving a McDonalds.
I used to have a halo. I lost it somewhere around age 15. I hope I never find it again, these horns fit perfect ;-)
I'm definitely the drunkest person in this shopping cart right now
Hell is just you in a 9x9 jail cell with a drunk Gilbert Gottfried and Fran Drescher
Is vodka a food group yet
I know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsi Pop. (Related: I'm good in bed.)
My band is called 1023MB. We haven't had any gigs yet.
I'm just gonna put it out there. What the world really needs is more bisexuals.
I'm definitely the drunkest person in this public library right now
All politicians/pundits, repeat after me: nothing is comparable to Hitler, ever, for any reason. Saying so will always make u look stupid.
Twitter: where weird is normal and normal is wierd.
Flaunt it if ya got it
Behind the curtain of the slut shaming phenomenon is the cultural contradiction we have of celebrating and stigmatizing sex simultaneously.
Helium walks into a bar.
Bartender: "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."
He doesn't react.
My neighbor is drunk and semi-undressed on the porch. So it must be a normal Thursday.
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says "five beers please!"
I nabbed the famous @NatSecWonk handle. A footnote to a footnote to history! Sending foreign affairs and national security news your way.
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