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My band is called 1023MB. We haven't had any gigs yet.
A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says, "make me one with everything."
Helium walks into a bar.
Bartender: "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."
He doesn't react.
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says "five beers please!"
Is it acceptable to laze around in underwear when you live with other people?
A woman with a hyperactive sex drive is called a nymphomaniac or slut. A man with the same condition is called a man.
Sorry I forgot my boundaries in my other pants. And lost my morals like a year ago
Morals? What are those for?
Twitter: where weird is normal and normal is wierd.
The love shack is a little place where...we can get together
When I turn 60 I'm gonna be like Blanche on Golden Girls
I'm definitely the drunkest person in this abandoned warehouse right now
Those who use the word "promiscuity" are just jealous
I like my evening snack with a side of vodka
If you weren't such a prude you'd have more fun
Dancing in front of the mirror because my ego is overpowering
Lol I nabbed the famous @NatSecWonk handle. A footnote to a footnote to history!