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I probably shouldn't have driven home from the pub last night...Especially as I walked there in the first place.
People said I would never get over my obsession with Phil Collins but take a look at me now?
And then God created Saturn... And he liked it, so he put a ring on it.
I like my coffee like I like my men.
I don't like coffee.
Piracy is killing the music industry. You try playing the guitar with a hook.
I took my dog to the park today and played frisbee with him.He was useless. I think I need a flatter dog.
I smashed open my piggy bank earlier.
I've got just about enough in it to buy a new piggy bank.
I used to smoke Benson & Hedges, but then I changed brands.
It's all been Dunhill from there.
Someone stole my mood ring today.
I dont know how i feel about this.
Jesus said to Peter, "Come forth and I will give you eternal glory."Peter came fifth and won a toaster.
Just finished watching that Documentary on the invention of the shovel.
Ground Breaking stuff.
Apparently there were around 10 people who really understood Einstein in his lifetime.
I must be a genius, nobody understands me.
In 20-30 years, the hardest things our kids will have to do will be finding a user name that hasn't already been taken.
Like most people my age,
I've been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and I have mixed feelings about it.
I've written a book about a Rapper and his sunglasses collection.
I'll probably call it 50 Shades of Dre.
I had my hands amputated, now I'm not feeling very well.
I was sat in front of a roaring fire last night and I thought to myself,
Lions don't burn as well as logs.
I've always thought bottled water was a con.
Especially when I realised what 'Evian' spells backward.
The only day that a man doesn't want to see a woman on her knees in front of him.