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The Pope says he's worried about the gay lobby in the Vatican. Wait until he sees the ceiling!
Light is getting too old for this shift. #mundaneneutrinoexplanations
The Muppets Take Man Action #madeuppornfilms
I tried anal sex once. It was kind of a bummer.
My new phone has more bells and whistles than a "Beauty and the Beast" themed rape prevention seminar held by referees in a train station.
Instead of writing "I follow back," in your bio, you should probably just cut to the chase and say, "I won't read your tweets." #NoPromo
If Mom e-mails you too much, try this: Next time you visit, take a screenshot of her browser and make it her desktop. That'll slow her down.
Straight dude just told me I have pretty eyes. I think he's really going to enjoy my set!
About to perform for an AA group. Gonna open with: If God exists, I bet he does a bunch of drugs. That's why they call him a 'Higher Power.'
Harold and Kumar can haz White Castle? #IfCatsDirected
The difference between begging for attention and crying for help is how long you've been doing it.
If you're Bradley Cooper you're calling your penis Mini Cooper, right?
I just apologized to an old picture of myself.
You've Got Male #madeuppornfilms
Too bad Scientologists don't get divorced like they give birth. In absolute silence.
They should make it a thing every day where if you're not wearing green, drunk people know not to talk to you.
It's not easy being green, but it's easier than being black or Latino. #brutallyhonestslogans
Natasha Muse is a performer & writer of comedy in SF. She's also a skeptic & at least the second-funniest transsexual you know, guaranteed. http://t.co/jfIX3RV1