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The Pope says he's worried about the gay lobby in the Vatican. Wait until he sees the ceiling!
Light is getting too old for this shift. #mundaneneutrinoexplanations
The Muppets Take Man Action #madeuppornfilms
I tried anal sex once. It was kind of a bummer.
If you're Bradley Cooper you're calling your penis Mini Cooper, right?
My new phone has more bells and whistles than a "Beauty and the Beast" themed rape prevention seminar held by referees in a train station.
If I remember my twenties correctly, I'd be really surprised.
Instead of writing "I follow back," in your bio, you should probably just cut to the chase and say, "I won't read your tweets." #NoPromo
If Mom e-mails you too much, try this: Next time you visit, take a screenshot of her browser and make it her desktop. That'll slow her down.
Straight dude just told me I have pretty eyes. I think he's really going to enjoy my set!
Natasha Muse is a performer & writer of comedy in SF. She's also a skeptic & at least the second-funniest transsexual you know, guaranteed. http://t.co/jfIX3RV1