@scwink there's no right way to eat a rhesus. @thebloggess

@jillsmo "I didn't ask who did it,I told you to clean it up!"

@freefringes I really, really, REALLY wanted that to be a real cheese shop. Like, for reals.

@hecklersdelight @stella1070 @cheetohface hey, thanks! and that's true, i'm positive all of my non-followers had a hand in the conspiracy.

@thesuniverse @jillsmo Snark of the Union.

.@jillsmo is trying to stir up #vaccination controversy, but I'm more concerned with the grammar scandal happening in the comments.

on my way to girl scouts to learn about selling cookies. i'm already an expert at buying and eating them so i'm feeling pretty confident.

I have 290 followers! just 10 more and I will stand up at work and shout "THIS. IS. SPARTA!!!" #300reference #getit?

This just in...@mommyshorts is NOT supplying drinks for her party tonight. Strictly BYOB. http://t.co/vVNopxL6

@toomuchaubrey dude I will wrap ANYTHING in a crescent roll and bake it. Especially anything cheesy. #sogood #pillsburyiloveyou

Dear children. Mommy has a headache. Because one of you gave me your disgusting germs. Kindly shut up and go to sleep. That is all.

@tlanceb THANK YOU!!!! you can vote once a day so set your daily reminder! :-D #thankful

No, I haven't just watched this 8 times in a row. What? MAZZY LIKES ME!  http://www.mommyshorts.com/2012/11/mazzys-mini-me-giveaway.html#tpe-action-posted-6a0133f30ae399970b017d3e4d7c77970c … via @mommyshorts @stickychic

Please nominate me for What Not to Wear. Unless you already have, in which case, screw you.

@mommyshorts Good grief, woman. What a misleading headline. Go change it to "PREPARING to Give Birth Post Hurricane," post-haste.

Man, my kid NEVER makes the Glare-Off. It's because he's too cute, I'm sure. VOTE!  http://www.mommyshorts.com/2012/10/evil-baby-glare-off-2012-round-2.html … via @mommyshorts

@kdwald @mommyshorts Also you 2 didn't get my msg yesterday. I ran out of room. stupid twitter. Enter my FB giveaway?http://t.co/SlRdcZyo

"Mom why do you have so many shoes? There's like...two of each." Yeah. Shoes are funny like that.

@mommyshorts @briconstable @momofthreeunder @periwinklepapi @kdwald Just FYI, I'm now pretty much designing a full #Glitterati line.

New Post: Reasons I don't like you: master's student edition http://t.co/JKI3c3qa