Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Stopped working out and started getting tan, way easier.
I asked my 3 yr old nephew what I should do with my life and he said "use your powers!!!" so that's what I'm going to do.
I usually say, "goodnight muthafucka" to myself, out loud, before I lay my head down every night.
Are you supposed to complain about HR to HR?
The chances of sleeping with your celebrity crush are much greater when it's Jeff Goldblum. Take that Ryan Gosling lovers.
Did you know that probably 17 people would die if a bee flew into my car while I was driving?
I feel the way Bill Murray looks.
When you're on Intervention and you do crystal meth, the least you can do is be nice to your grandma.
Stop putting mustaches on your cars you big assholes.
"Fun size" bags of M&M's should really be called "Tiny fucking bags" of M&M's.
All I want to do is go to breakfast and then brunch and then happy hour and then dinner.
I have no idea if Seth MacFarlane is 32 or 47.
Was this morning the same day as today?
I'm so excited to see that Tanning Chatiin Channin Tatum Channing Tantin movie tonight.
Thank you election, for giving me an excuse to unfriend a lot of idiots I went to High School with on Facebook.
I feel like if Katy Perry was in 3D, Magic Mike really should be as well.
Oh my god, I love shows about weight loss.
I wish there were awards given out for musical talent.
I'm going to a wedding today and all I can think about is cake.