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My mum just told me a story about carrots. "I only needed one but didn't want to rouse suspicion. Looks pervy, one carrot. So I bought 5."
My sister is watching the news. A rare occurrence. She looks stricken. "Why is North Korea frontin' us? Kip of him. Kim MONG-un." Hmm.
'Louise, who left prostitution two years ago due to arthritis..'
I convinced my little sister Purple Aki was her real dad when she was little. Me ma reminded me before.
I enter the canteen armed with a book and an iPod in an effort to ward off other diners. Never fucking works. I'm going to stop bathing.
For no discernible reason, management have advised that fedoras, stetsons and sombreros will be permitted tomorrow. What fresh hell?
"No you're not." Then followed an attempt to engage passersby. "She's not married. Look at her, she's not married! Ha. Liar."