Yes, America has 1000 times more gun related homicides than Japan, but we only have a fraction of their Hadoken related deaths.

"The tree made this?" - Vin Diesel receiving a Christmas present. #VinDieselSunday

I can't believe it's been 20 years and I'm basically still in an AOL Chat room.

Don't protest Daniel Tosh because he said a word you don't like, protest him because he isn't funny.

Twitter is a great way to directly ask people you admire questions that could only otherwise be answered if you only had access to Google.

Dr. Zizmor #rejectedbondtitles

The internet is the loudest loneliness.

Dennis Hopper didn't need Kickstarter to make Easy Rider, he kept it simple and went to a studio with a revolver and a satchel full of LSD.

The best thing to happen to New York since The Ghostbusters stopped The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. @drafthouse pic.twitter.com/ULTSOfJ0w9

The best part about Writing is some of your most productive days don't require pants.

Things are getting pretty desperate in Brooklyn - folks are eating raw food, riding bicycles, and not bathing. Also, there was a hurricane.

Instead of "Spring Forward" I like to call it "traveling to a future where everyone is complaining".

Not for all the mustache wax in Brooklyn, my friend.

Oh cool, it's Three Times One Minus One. #SNL

@scharpling I would not like to get beaten up to a Malcolm Gladwell Ted Talk. #BestShowWFMU

This Lumineers song sounds Instagramed. #SNL

Why does Roger Daltrey have to be so sarcastic? #BestShowWFMU

The Scientific Community seems to have decided that they've taken Toilets as far as they can, technologically. That one is done.

Facebook Home: Emotionally disconnect from what little time you spend with your family. #SNL

CEASE ALL LEAVENING. #Passover