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'The Kardashians' have now been on the air twice as long as 'Arrested Development.' THIS IS WHY YOU CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS, AMERICA.
It's gonna be hard convincing our kids that stop lights weren't invented as social media check stations.
Still kinda freaks me out that someone born in 1996 is old enough to have a job and opinions and stuff.
Just witnessed a 9 year old get a call on her iPhone, roll her eyes, hit ignore, then put it back in her pocket so I give up.
The Great Gatsby was so unrealistic. So many people at those huge parties and not once did anyone ask for the wifi password.
Twenty bucks says Bruce Willis is squinting at something right now.
Saw couple fighting, the woman said "I can't even look at you right now" then stared him down, proving his previous claim that she's a liar.
It's sad that our children will never understand the relationship between a cassette tape and pencil.
Whenever I'm over-thinking a lyric I remember that Eminem said "mom's spaghetti" in a song and it won an Oscar.
Mall kiosk workers are the human equivalent of pop-up ads.
When R. Kelly dies, I call dibs on the "R.I.Pee." joke.
Nothing squashes your confidence like jeans right out of the dryer.
How many calories does avoiding eye contact with everyone in Target burn?
Taylor Swift is going to write a bitter song about Adele and Adele's going to write a song about how it made her sad and we'll all buy both.
If there's a farmer named Andre out there and he's NOT calling his stand at the farmer's market "Beets by Dre" then I give up.
RT the sounding joy.
The weather guy just said "rain-wrapped tornado" and I heard "bacon-wrapped burrito" so I'm gonna die hungry now.
Every day that I don't use algebra as an adult, the homework protest speech I gave my mom when I was 15 is validated.
performing songwriter, host of @WhoWritesPod, pop culture enthusiast, self-appointed king of sarcastic charm. http://t.co/8SXh4UEkIW