Silly rabbit trix ar...
*slap
Give me the fuckin cereal you stupid little shit I've been doing this for decades now Im fuckin tired of it

If porn is 90% of the Internet then I guess cat videos are 7%

79% of stair accedents happen on the stairs

She so fat her track pants are her skinny jeans

How did I become an awesome person

I'm not that's how

Frost bite for everyone
Frost bite for you
Frost bite for you

Oprah in antartica

Cheese is my fourplay

IF YOU PUT IT IN ALL CAPS THEN THAT MAKES IT IMPORTANT

Geoff is just a stupid way of saying Jeff

This tweet is brought to you buy McDonalds I'm loving my new back fat

When I walk in the mall people mistake me for Megan fox it gets annoying after the nerdy guys get involved

I don't know why uncle bill likes to cut my hair with my shirt off it gets weird when were both In our underwear

Sticks and stones may break my bones but this bat is gonna fuck you up

My uncle took me to a donkey show once

But he forgot to mention that I was the performer

Hey DM me if you like piña colatas and getting caught in the rain

Guys Brooklyn isn't just a place where every gal looks like Madonna as a hooker in the 80s We also have Clark Kent look alike motherfuckers!

Just so you know my tweets are totally spontaneous nothing is ever planned or thought out everything you read is freshly thought out poorly

Father Ryan always told me he has a Jesus rod and he needs to beat the evil out of me from behind

So I'll see what he means tomorrow

I hate when people are like
"help me get to 700 followers"
It's like if you were good you could do it yourself

BTW could you

I cut myself shaving last time I used a kitchen knife and then I cut my chins off