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#ThingsNotToSayOnTheFirstDate oh, don't mind that. It's always erect.
David #Bowie is trending and not Bieber. Today is a good day.
Can a fetus be taken away by child protective services? #MamaSnooks
oooh they're going to remake American Psycho. Yet another movie that was already perfect that Hollywood is going to tarnish.
#FreeHaircuts is racist against bald people!
#LilWayneOnceSaid nothing you idiots. Lil Wayne is dead, he's locked in my basement.
#TodayisNationalHugYourCatDay Tomorrow is apply antiseptic to your scratch wounds day.
#IdLike2WakeUpAs you and take a shower and play with your special parts.
You shouldn't #ShareEverything on the internet.
"Robert Pattinson is Our Ray of Sunshine" is an ironic thing to say about a vampire.
General Petreus, you sir are an amateur. I work with General Calrissian, so I know.
If she points at your crotch and says "What's that?" #shestooyoungforyoubro
#TextsThatGetNoReply dog kicked shotgun. it fired & hit me in chest while i was welding. house now on fire. kids trapped inside. help.
#BlackBabyNames "Hey Twitter, please, please, please keep racism alive so I'm still relevant in the 21st century!!!!" - Jesse Jackson
#driverspledge I promise to stop spraying Pledge into other driver's eyes as I pass them.
Sullustan lookin' for luv in all the wrong places. Uninsightful commentary, poop and sex jokes with an extremely rare flash of brilliance.