Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Something I never thought I'd say: "Damn, wreaths are pretty fucking pricey."
Girlfriend made Rice Krispies treats with the generic brand cereal, so instead of "Rice Krispies treats," they're "in the fucking trash."
Oh, red Starburst, you'll always just be the cute friend.
I've never seen a clean-shaven Trevor.
Thought 'The Butterfly Effect' was good when I was younger. It's not. It's fucking awful.
I pay my bills as if I'm checking recently expired milk.
Pretty shitty that movers relocating hipster couples aren't aware that the boxes labeled "fragile" contain Tom's Shoes, veganism, & sad :/
30 years from now, dads will be saying "Please, call me Braxton. Mr Jones was my fathers name."
I always end up holding a banana peel longer than necessary.
Every summer I keep thinking I will work out and get the body I had in high school but I’ve only been fooling myself. It’s NEXT summer.
congrats on your 100th problem jay-z!
Hurricane survival tip: Spin the opposite way to the Hurricane at the same speed, while wearing rollerblades and sequins (sequins optional).
I'm that kind of guy who gets shoved into the fruit stand during a chase scene.
Yawns are just sighs having sex with each other.
Drunkenly carting a smelly trash can to the curb during summer months is my "backpacking through Europe."
I'll never have the conviction of a jogger who runs in place while waiting for the red light to turn.
'Plethora' is probably the best word to describe the amount of high fives on a public golf course.
Just bought Boca chicken patties and Garden Burgers, now I have dread locks and love the fuck out of tye-dyed everything!
A yield sign is just a mumbling stop sign.