"Spazzy bog" is a far more efficient way of saying "disabled toilet"....

@mickneven The first rule about cycling club is that you tell EVERYONE about cycling club...

“@kixmusaid: Gingers turn me on.” YOU SICK FREAK!! They don't need encouragement, man!! Geez.....

Why do people persist in treating Facebook like their blog? I don't CARE that your child kept you awake all night.

@annoyedguy Hey Sydney! Brisbane is better than you!

Australia: learn from the mistake that Queenslanders made - don't let an LNP government win a landslide! #QandA

@snarkninja A large cock. Is there anything else TO draw on someone's face?

I love a good barista who doesn't feel the need to sully my morning reverie with inane chatter. This is why I love my coffee lady... <3

@primawesome I'm not going to lie... I'm a little turned on right now after reading that...

@originalnixster Favstar being down kinda sorts out who's on twitter for accolades & who's on twitter to entertain. I'm here for the laughs!

@jstcallmefrank I always like to release wind back into it's natural habitat*

*my stomach

@jstcallmefrank I'm in Australia and thar bitch is history... Wednesday copped it hard & she died loving it!!!!

@countrockula Make "life-ade". Duh, don't you know how the saying goes? *rolls eyes*

@urbanprojectz You could remove the words "the computer graphics of the younger Jeff Bridges in" from that tweet and it still holds true...

@bdbdleeroybrown @sissisay *Whispers forcefully* nobody puts BadBoy in the corner....

Odd that social media stops me being social and makes me resent actual social interaction because I might miss something funny on twitter...

My mum just told me she's a "mouth virgin". I am simultaneously feeling relieved for myself and tragically sorry for my dad...

@cuddlyninja Or a lot of socks masquerading as balls...

@unicornsyrup *hides behind the nearest ninja pole, hoping to remain inconspicuous*

@jstcallmefrank In Australia we're already living that Monday dream... *shoots self in face with a penis*