Having friends with benefits, is like having background music in real life.

If you don't understand my tweets, don't worry. There's a special place for you at McDonald's.

My bucket list: to keep it filled with ice and have a bottle in there, at all times.

Girls have feelings too, you know! Ok, some of us...

Give at least one person a compliment today. You have NO idea how it might change their day!

Face the sky and let the rain drops fall softly on your skin. It has the same effect as sunlight. Feel alive. Enjoy it. Life is short

You people that talk about genitals all the time, you're not getting any, are you?

Pretty fly for a white lie.

Money is manufactured. Class is inherited.

I've been in a daze. It's been for days.

Why are people so quick to dismiss depression? It's real, deal with it, don't ignore it. You may save a life, even if it's your own.

I rinsed my contact lenses with the wrong solution. End result, one eye that looks like the red door to my soul.

In this heat, I'm very happy that I'm not a pair of testicles.

Remember how we used to sit and 'tape' songs off the radio? You can't do that anymore.

I have no idea how to use FB anymore. No idea. I think I have blocked myself.

I wish I were a dog. When the biggest fun you have, is to rip a plastic bag too pieces with your teeth and growl at anyone coming near.

I've saved up all my yawns for the week and taking it out on Friday afternoon.

I'm back to hugging trees. Less complicated than humans.

Good morning. I have a couple of karate chops, I'd like to try out on some people. Today is the perfect day.

Duck is one e away from fuck ...