are you telling me that other people have the ability to get things done when there is a law and order svu marathon on? i don't believe it

you know umd housing sucks when even puns can't make your situation seem any suite-r

if you ever feel the need to say "i'm not a racist," you're probably a racist

do you think that the guy who voiced jimmy neutron can't help but say "brain blast!" every time he.... you know

it's pi day, pi day, gotta get down on pi day

my phone autocorrects "run" to "rum." obviously my first priority is my health

charlotte russe: whoring out our nation's youth for a reasonable price

little brother's latest email: "Vagina jokes are not funny, period. -Cub"

got mistaken for an eighth grader yesterday. is this rock bottom

hey guys, be good to the environment. polo (plants only live once)

enjoy http://t.co/lAnJaU9x

I wonder if crabs think that they walk straight ahead and everyone else walks sideways

i don't want to watch football, i want to watch a game of actual giants playing actual eagles

does anybody else think that electrical outlets are just the faces of little surprised people

what are all these sorority girls hiding under their puffy jackets I BET IT'S SECRETS

twitter = everyone trying to make a clever pun out of their name

somewhere i hope there is a bottomless bowl of kraft macaroni and cheese

highlight of my day http://t.co/3uFqkxxz

"i forgot to warn her about scorpions! text her and tell her to shake her shoes!" -my mother concerned about @alliegluck in costa rica

maybe they should have a Jersey Shore episode where they go to an A.A. meeting instead of a club or something. idk, just an idea