People that constantly say "just saying" will be stabbed in the neck. Just saying.

Meh. Hell will be a lot more fun.

If you act like a cunt, don't bitch when you get treated like one.

It might be b/c I'm drunk but I'm actually liking the 60s batman tv show.

I want to pay Howard Dean to stand in my yard and scare squirrels.

@drunkenkornie love the jam session between Munky and Fieldy right before A.D.I.D.A.S.

Asking a mormon missionary why they don't try doggy really pisses them off for some reason.

These 'hardcore' suburban kids make me laugh. They'd shit their pants if they saw a gun in a crowd.

Just closed the grill and the spider that's on top is so happy he's dancing! He's dancing he's danci....oh he dead.

Tempted to leave work and get fucked up. Hate the lazy fuck ass I have to work with.

Girl if you can make me laugh I promise a future full of orgasms and cake.

As soon as you hit 20 you shouldn't be allowed to shop at hot topic.

If you're gonna retweet, at least make sure it's funny.....you senseless twat.

This senile old bitch needs collapse and die. Fucking annoying as hell.

Aw. Is your boyfriend not coming home? Well maybe he SHOULDN'T HAVE BROKEN THE LAW. Sooooo wanna go behind the courthouse and bone?

Surprised the secret service didn't tackle that cunt in Arizona.

Stay at home moms have the saddest Facebook posts. "Taylor picked his nose again and were having pot roast tonight!" *shudder*

This cougar is about to pounce on me. I'm okay with it.

Anybody wanna got to the zoo and flip off the monkeys?

Watching this woman's dog piss on her shoes while she blabbed about nothing was amazing