Fucked up my sleep cycles (I sleep on 2 bicycles)

The hardest rap line in 1985 was calling somebody a 'sad-faced clown" If I had to battle in todays conditions niggas would see me cry in HD

Then Jay-Z comes out like "Lights out niggas" .. Best 3rd quarter show of all time.

'Girls' girls are only fun to watch on tv. In reality all they do is check their phone in the middle of dance floors.

I need a ratchet bitch to come work on my car.

I know a guy named Cannoli Dan. Good guy. Good Family. #IMWALKINGOVERHERE

Krumping started as deaf people talking shit to each other.

Get the frosty card from Wendy's . Vanilla + small coke no ice= Floats for $1.20 all year. #YoureWELCOME

Gentrify my pockets.

Everything should be memes yo! Meme ya grandma!

I like how everyone keeps calling Jason Collins a "current player".

Comics are all the crazy people too lazy to be serial killers.

Don't ever let anyone tell you aren't a noun.

Aye if you don't fuck with brunch kill your whole family nigga. (White people don't be scared to RT this)

I woke up feeling completely stoppable today.

I'm on live at @artomatic tonight at 7. with @kctimpf @blahmed @rcooperiii @randysyphax @willhessler @woodyseed @jessicabrodkin and more

Little known fact Jeff Hysen is the most notorious crack dealer on the eastern seaboard. #LowProfile

I'm bout to go get gay married to a pack of bacon. Thick-cut (you know how I do) Anybody down to be a witness? Meet at the courthouse at 10.

Marriage is one of those things people do for the wrong reasons. Like getting non-prescription glasses or watching Battleship the Movie.

Yo Jennifer Margolis is giving me some crucial neck right now. #DoubleCatfish